


More Than Meets the Eye

by Reddestiny92



Category: The Arcana (Visual Novel)
Genre: Amnesia, F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi, Not entirely following game plot, Polyamory, Semi-out of character, changes to characters where needed, fictional setting within, sort of a slow burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-31
Updated: 2018-07-19
Packaged: 2019-05-16 10:37:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 41,589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14809766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Reddestiny92/pseuds/Reddestiny92
Summary: Changed rating...(Bad title is bad I know summary is probably worse, forgive me I was pulled out of my writer's block because of this it fits I promise.)Lucio and Nadia end their relationship where freedom works best, while nothing came from these arrangements before they slipped into a comfortable business. It was easy, it had to be a good choice because it took all the guess work out of everyday life as Count and Countess. How it ends depends on a little confused mage, and a mutual friend who hardly considers himself a doctor.





	1. What a way to meet

**Author's Note:**

> As I put in my profile I still have plenty of bad habits, no excuse I just know that practicing has help with racing thoughts I often have to go back and double check that I revealed the right thing at the right time. So I swear if I miss anything I should catch it.

…...

 

Julian attempting to shift if he hadn't been used to waking up with a hangover he might have been more concerned. He shifted under the thick red blanket, lately, the weather had been unusual, in random bursts it seemed. Just yesterday a harsh blizzard kept most in their homes, the next morning a heatwave though it only lasted for a few hours cooling significantly before it was just a normal day. While Nadia and Lucio tried to address the public and assure them they were looking into it via a mage they didn't have anything on it. So far no one had been attacked animals weren't fleeing if anything they seemed much more lively than usual.

  
They couldn't be sure what it was, many brought out extra cloaks and looser clothes waiting for the weather to switch. He could see out of the window from his home above his clinic there was no snow but it seemed chilled. He wasn't so sure he wanted to get out of bed to light a fire. Hearing a groan he looked behind him seeing that he was barely covered while his guest was a lump under the blanket he rubbed his temples as he sat up.

He couldn't be sure who he had brought home but from the sound, they had been no better off than he had been. He moved to stand deciding that over the chill he'd rather have that than risk her vomiting on his floor. Mostly his room was empty, he kept a chest with his clothes, shoes were left there, with a few books on his nightstands it was enough for him. As for his drawers, he kept a few mixes that were good for this. The plain purple liquid had a light scent, usually, the smell eased the upset stomach when consumed well, essentially it was like you never had a hangover to begin with.

He sipped a bit and walked over sliding his hand under the blanket.

“Drink this, it'll make you feel better....” when it remained in his hand he smirked.

“Or you can stay sick and ache your way out into the cold if you prefer.”

She sighed and tugged the bottle free.

“That's better, I'm used to it but give yourself a couple minutes and let it kick in.” he looked at the floor realizing that he must have stripped downstairs.

Well that was hopeless, he couldn't even guess who she was he dug around his chest to grab some pants and a shirt, he wasn't the worst one night stand one could have. At least he didn't think so, he came with breakfast.

Walking downstairs he didn't even bother going to front door really hoping no one needed anything, the building was fairly old most weren't even sure what it used to be. It was given to Julian after he returned from a personal trip as he called it. During a widespread outbreak of the Red Plague, many got desperate grabbing whichever doctor had experience whether it was good or not didn't matter. He was part of the last team to make it to the Lazaret where more and more people were sent every day sick and dying. He wasn't sure of much of that time, he only knew that Valdemar while creepy in his own way was very dedicated to his work.

Most trusted him at least in that area, it mattered because that was one of the voices that gave proof to what he did while there. He couldn't remember his involvement or what the cure had been but Valdemar knew, gave him notes he contributed to and accepted the shared success. Afterward, they got their own tests making sure they weren't sick and were given a reward they found suitable. Valdemar was fine working at the palace...there was no limit to the budget there. The others that survived had basic wants, riches, and celebrations within reason to Nadia though she let Lucio go all out to plan those.

Julian hoped to have something to come back but he didn't want to rely on a few notes and broken memories. He didn't leave for proper schooling but he learned what he felt he needed to be useful here. He didn't want to move about aimlessly, he couldn't guarantee he'd ever get those memories back thinking it was a mental strain, trauma. However, at least he could keep money coming in and do something more with his life.

It didn't seem like the weather was affecting things much but there were a few minor colds and such that came through he had patients he didn't have to worry about on a large scale. It was almost peaceful. The stairs leading up to his place were in the kitchen a locked door between that and the living area beyond that a small sort of yard for potted plants that led to the clinic. It was safe and secure something he craved. Moving to start the tea he tried to think of what he had done aside from spending his day off at the Rowdy Raven.

He unlocked the door going to the pantry to get out a few eggs, he heard shuffling letting him know his guest was awake. Probably looking for her clothes.

“You may have better luck looking down here.”

He stumbled slightly catching a touch of silk, looking down he spotted a bit of white cloth he wasn't too sure where he'd seen it before but it familiar. He looked around the couch for a bit more pausing at the dress and sighed heavily.

“Nadia?” he called.

“....Just turn away from the steps Devorak.”

He smirked turning before he heard her come in.

“Is that any way to call your _closest_ friend?” he teased.

“Oh shut up...where did you get that mixture of yours?”

“Why? Want to do it again sometime?”

“I'm next to a chair,” she warned, he knew she'd hit him with it she tended to let her guard down a little bit with him.

“But I'm cooking, you wouldn't risk a chance at a full stomach, would you?”

She grumbled grabbing what she could.

“You tore my clothes?? I can't even wear these home...”

“I guess...I don't remember.”

“And how am I to explain this when I get back to the palace?” not that she worried about Lucio, they didn't have any real sort of relationship.

Some days she couldn't stand him, but it had turned to a more...tolerable sort of affection he was like the friend you wanted to keep because you could trust them at your back. Still, most of the time they were fairly hateful to anyone outside their inner circle.

It was almost odd seeing him actually befriend Julian they were different in more ways than one...and their friendship well she couldn't quite place it. Though she knew he'd have something to say if she slipped home in ripped clothes smelling of what she would guess was worse than a cow's arse. She turned as he set the eggs down to toss his shirt at her. It landed in her reach at least while he kept his eyes closed.

“Just cover up and I'll find you something else to wear, one of my cloaks will cover you enough to get to your room no one has to see the state your in. You can use the bathing room after you eat...it's really best to use that cure all with at least a little food in your stomach.” it wasn't much he was sure though she had insisted that his be comfortable at least.

She sighed but did as he was instructed she'd have to throw the blue and purple dress out, she frowned no she'd give the seamstress a job the extra coin was always appreciated. He looked over she was as covered as she was going to get. It was just something to relax in as she said though her taste was always rich relaxed dress meant something entirely different than her. She crossed her arms.

“I'm going to have someone come check out your house.”

“Why?” he asked moving past her to set his ingredients on the counter.

“Because it's too cold in here...you don't even have wood for the fireplace.”

“That's because it's in the clinic, don't worry about it.”

While she was used to being served she didn't expect Julian to do anything for her, she insisted on it, it wasn't the first time she had come to visit though it was the first that they were anything more than friends. She grabbed the water to pour it in the cups the sweet powder had been a gift from her sister Nasmira though she thought to share it seeing that Julian liked the berry taste. She glanced at him making a second cup.

“Not angry anymore?”

She scoffed.

“I'm not mad at you, my head still hurts...I have some memory of what I did it's not just you.”

He smirked slightly ever the Countess a few steps ahead, he was relieved though they had been in the same shape but he never would have taken advantage of her. He wasn't the type.

“What am I supposed to say, Julian...?”

“Tell them you spilled some honey on you and a stray dog tried to eat you.”

She huffed, biting her lip as a light smile almost formed, he did have a knack for making her smile at the worst times. The last was when she bucked off her horse and landed in the mud, her sisters still teased her over that...damn surprise visit.

“I meant about this....” she said waving her hand between them as he added more eggs to the pan.

“I don't know, it's nobody's business.”

“What about Portia?”

He frowned.

“She'll laugh, and then assume we'd been hiding a relationship from her.”

“Joy...”

They ate in silence, it was somewhat comfortable though there was a bit of strain there. With one having trouble relaxing and another thinking they didn't deserve anything that might come from that..there was nothing to talk about. He...well the whole kingdom was well aware that there was nothing but business there and as business partners Lucio and Nadia were perfect for each other. Not that it was their place to judge it just wasn't worth a secret for much. To let it pass seemed like the best choice. She did assist him with the dishes before he let her wash up first, they headed back upstairs and he kept his gaze on the steps rather than her backside.

He went straight for the chest as she paused by the door.

“What else could you have to fit me...?”

“Night robe, should be big on you but I saw your shoes it'll do.” he said holding up the blue cloth.

“Thank you.”

He nodded as she pushed the door open, dropping it she covered her mouth really not one to scream in surprise. She darted in bending to turn her over she was naked saying that if she wasn't with them that she had to have been Julian's guest.

“Julian help..there's another girl she's bleeding”

He scrambled behind her seeing another woman on the ground blood running down her face, dry now as if she had hit her head some time ago. He bent next to her pale, at the thought of how long she could have been laying there injured, he couldn't remember if he'd just left her to have privacy or if they were attacked while they were out. He checked her pulse, seeing the edge of the tub rim where she seemed to have hit her head on the way down. He made sure to keep a few supplies here just in case though he didn't often need them.

“Go in the pantry and grab the gray box it's where I keep my extra supplies.” she hurried out just hoping they didn't kill her.

He carefully pulled her up he'd take her to the bed after she was cleaned up, as she groaned he felt a little more relaxed. He'd seen worse he could handle the sight it didn't mean he wasn't concerned, they were much better for an emergency than it seemed.

“Can you hear me?”

“.......Yes...don't yell.” she coughed turning her head he pushed a bit of hair out of the way seeing a bit of glowing, the wound sealed only leaving the dried blood as proof it was ever there.

She opened her light hazel eyes, aside from the blood they'd have to clean up her caramel skin was flawless. He focused on her eyes expecting her to zone out from the head injury even it was visibly healed he wasn't sure that was enough. The jade colored swirl tattoo around her thigh went unnoticed. The ends of her bangs and the rest of her long hair had a blue-violet touch to them. She pouted grunting a bit saying she still felt some pain.

“What hurts?” he asked, tone softer.

“....Just my head.”

“Well since you've woken up so easily..it may just be left over from the drinks...seems the hit is gone.”

“Julian who are you....oh she's awake thank the heavens I thought you were dead.”

She raised an eyebrow as Nadia bent next to her.

“...What were we doing..that that would have happened?” she asked, slight dizziness fading.

“I don't know..yet.”

Julian showed Nadia her forehead she cocked her head grabbing a rag and dunking it in the water to give to her.

“Too many drinks?”

“Way too many...this healing..”

She shook her head wiping her face though Nadia helped her as she couldn't see her reflection.

“I don't know...it tends to make it easy to ignore fears...if I don't die I don't keep wounds..though I'm not sure why I'm drawing a blank..on most things.”

“Well I have to get home, it might be safer for you to recover there.”

“The cold is too much for you Nadi?”

She resisted the urge to stick her tongue out at him looking down as the other grabbed her hands, she had a pleasant warmth built up in her hands.

“I've always been warmer than most too...I don't suppose either of you remembers my name do you?”

“Salty bitters really clear out the system...that way anyways...weather has been too much for travel I'm sure unless you're crazy enough to travel in an unpredictable storm. We must have met here and someone must know you, we should get ready to go while it's early.”

She nodded and smiled he blushed with the blood cleared away, she was a beauty and he was aware of his position between two of them her breasts were a little bigger but Nadia had the legs from her height. There went his clean thoughts they really had to get ready and leave.  
…....


	2. A need for a chat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I already started working on this before and had to change things and add things in at the moment I think it's where I want it I could always edit later I guess. I don't want to spam or anything but I do have one more chapter done after this.

…....

Portia sighed to herself as she dusted, she fell somewhere between normal servant and and a friend of the palace. She liked to keep busy and none of her duties were too much for her but she appreciated being able to set her own schedule. She normally would be in her cottage still but she was too curious to just wait. She had gone to look for Nadia and hearing from a newer waitress, one that seemed fairly interested in Julian, that he didn't even look her way because of the Countess she wasn't as worried.

It wasn't all that strange she had seen how Nadia seemed to relax with her brother, though not completely she was just never on guard around him. She wasn't sure if they had anything between them as Julian didn't seem to act as he did, and the hopeless flirt really had clear signals. Though the thought of them spending the night together made her think otherwise. Hearing a crash she turned and saw that Mercedes and Melchior were running through the hall chasing something. A mouse she huffed and moved to scoop the helpless little creature up.

They growled at her earning a light pop on the nose with the feathered end of her duster.

“Bad dogs, not even enough meat for the both of you, don't hunt for no reason.”

They snorted looking back hearing a laugh, she sighed seeing Lucio still dressed down, it was a bit early though he didn't tend to go for plain clothes.

“They are my dogs remember, we always hunt for no reason.”

She frowned.

“You love animals.” it was a part of him he hardly hid, some of the older maids liked him for that, they thought it was a sweet side.

If Portia was honest even she could consider it one sweet part of his personality.

“Some of them, you'll notice I haven't harmed any of my own pets that little thing is an intruder.”

She rolled her eyes.

“Then I'll take him, he's just a mouse and mi'lady doesn't like it when you do any 'hunting' in the palace.”

He advanced on her as she stepped back, he braced his hand against the wall looking down at her. She could smell the cinnamon from his breath from breakfast. She knew he had a meeting today and he preferred not to eat in front of Volta, she always got weepy as he was completely different from Nadia. Who would ask for more to be brought out he liked his peace during meals if she couldn't be satisfied then what care was needed. She looked down not so much out of fear she didn't scare that easily, she'd be lying if she said he didn't make her a little nervous.

“She's not here to stop me, what are you going to do?”

She bit her lip slipping the mouse in her apron pocket though she wasn't one to make an enemy out of the sort of man he was, blood thirsty and spoiled. She often hoped that she was just being influenced by others and that he wasn't all bad while he was without an audience. Granted Volgura was fond of him she liked to talk about destruction in the same light he did. He would humor any idea she had.

Portia didn't think that everyone had more to them she knew there was true evil in the world sure, no delusions there. Still the kindhearted woman thought he was definitely one of those at least partially in the gray area between the typical good and those who were lost to the darkness. One thing she really didn't like about him was how intimidating he was, she wasn't entirely mousy but he had a skill for making one feel small she was glad Nadia still worked well with him he needed her to even him out at least a bit.

He chuckled.

“You know Portia, I like you.”

She raised an eyebrow.

“You do?” she asked warily.

“Of course, every time I think you're afraid of me you keep that defiant look on your face, I tease and yet I don't hear you crying to Nadia about how awful I am. It's interesting I guess you could say.”

“I'm so glad I amuse you mi'lord.” she mumbled her annoyance showing by then she was sure.

“I mean it, if I wanted to attempt to break you I would, so for now relax, I won't let them chase your little friend, but if you're going to be uptight with them I should point out I've seen Pepi turn mice into toys too.”

She eyed him as he stepped back, attempt? He didn't see something he could break down her thoughts were a little frazzled by the thought.

“But she wouldn't eat them, she's harmless.” to be fair while she didn't overfeed her Pepi never wanted for anything even if she wanted to eat the palace mice even she had a limit.

“Whatever you say...have you seen Nadia we have a meeting with the Courtiers soon,” he said, as she nodded well aware of it.

She shook her head.

“They haven't come back yet.”

“They?”

“When I stopped by the tavern I was told she was still with Julian.”

He tapped his chin.

“Julian huh? I never got the feeling they liked one another like that.”

Portia personally, never understood their relationship no matter how he could be when it came to losing anything with Nadia he only cared if she wasn't going to handle her share of the work. For a man that cared to get his way in every manner, he could the fact that he let her be as free as he was said at least a little something.

“Well I don't know if it was romantic or not..but then I never noticed either.”

“I suppose we should go to his clinic then and find out Mercedes Melchior steps.”

With a bark they actually listened to him Portia walked behind him as they reached the main hall the guards were letting them in.

“Oh you got here safely we were just about to come look for you,” Portia said as she stopped near them.

Nadia smiled.

“Really, concerned? We're fine.”

She looked over seeing the other person and though they were the same height she bent to look under the hood.

“Lareli?” she looked up jumping as Portia squealed threw her arms around her.

“Oh, I've missed you, one of my dearest friends.”

Lareli patted her back stopping herself before asking if she had slept with her too, as Lucio closed the door behind the retreating guards he looked between them. Curious about this person they knew.  
….

After Portia found Lareli something more suitable to wear and Nadia considered herself decent they could chat for a bit. Lucio was sometimes worse than Valerius when it came to drama, the Courtiers could wait while he got a chance to pick the brain of the one who could make his sometimes dear wife, change so much. She seemed nervous and jittery more so like she was jealous seeing him sitting so close to her. He was loving this.

While Portia tried to help her remember what she could Nadia checked out a bit as her thoughts wandered. Julian was in the same place as the blocks started to fall away he could only wonder what memories he could be sure were gone what happened with these to make them fix themselves.

He was confused already

'Julian... don't be silly.'

He rubbed his temples he heard her voice, Lareli's though the conversation wasn't clear he closed his eyes.

_'Most women I know don't pull off heels as nicely as you do Jules.....I'll call you what I want so there.'_

He blinked a few times staring at her.

 _'Now Nadi...do_ n't _pout, I like a different look for you._ ' it wasn't said to him no but he must have been there to hear that one.

There was a flash of purple and gray...orange, white, green and yellow he wasn't sure what they were but he felt a little something just with the color. He cleared his throat hoping to pull himself out of his own mind.

“What..sort of dancer is she Portia?”

“A belly dancer...though she's mixed in a lot of styles, like in...?” she paused hoping to queue Lareli.

She tapped her chin before she frowned, there was a swarm of bits and color and fractured images in her mind still there was something. She glanced at Nadia her hair still a bit tangled but teased a bit she had preferred that Portia help her into something better for the cold. She felt a mix of things about the strange weather but it did put her mind at ease seeing that everyone around her going through it seemed to be prepared for it.

“Where..Nadia's from.”

“You danced in Prakra?”

“If it has beautiful beaches...”

Nadia smiled, she didn't normally feel homesick much preferring space between her sisters and herself but that didn't mean she didn't have any fond memories. Her smile faded just as quickly as Lareli groaned gripping her head, Portia covered her hands with hers. She watched her grind her teeth until the pulsing stopped, she cast a worried gaze over her even while Lareli gave her a weakened smile.

“You better stop...best not to push.”

“Right...can you show me where my house is?”

“Later, you can stay here..even if you returned last night I don't know if your house is where we remolded it might not be equipped for the new weather.”

Her biggest concern came from seeing her in clear pain, she knew how much a headache from digging too deeply in memories could take out of you. One minute you're fine the next you've collapsed, it was better if she was here even with a meeting to get to there would be someone else to keep an eye on her. Even though she was alright Nadia was still lost on a few things. She knew now they met at the bar and drank until they had drowned every worry she had. Other than that..without knowing if they caused any other damage she felt responsible.

“So worried Nadi? Where's the cold Countess I'm used to?” Lucio teased.

She huffed, straightening as she stood.

“I'm not cold, I just don't like you.”

He laughed as she grabbed Lareli's hand helping her stand.

“I'll show you to a room, Portia if you would... Julian and Lareli need a little something more filling before you let them leave, and you I'll see in a moment for our meeting.”

Lucio waved her off and Portia nodded with a smile, she glanced at her brother as they walked out of the room she waved her hand in front of his face. He blinked before focusing on her, she frowned he had a hazy look in his eye temporarily.

“Are you alright Ilya?”

He smirked, she frowned not so easily fooled.

“I'm fine, but you don't have to worry about me I should get the clinic open.” he needed his hands to be busy until he could talk to Lareli again.

He was thankful that Nadia had taken her from the room his head was pulsing as it was, and it was aggravating to no end to see just a little and not understand why he reacted as he did.

“If mi'lady thought you were well enough to just go to work she would have left you there.”

He rolled his eye though smiled at her.

“Fine, I'll help you.”

“No you won't, you don't work here.”

He sighed, he really hated being left alone with Lucio sometimes, he was just that sort of friend he had his way with knowing more than he should sometimes. He was more the type to shove it down your throat than wait and see if you figure it out on your own.

“Don't start.. I hardly remember.”

“Really, pretty sure you had two women with you and one you didn't even mention to me.”

His gaze narrowed.

“We don't have anything going on we were just drunk and alone.”

He scoffed.

“Sure fine I'll accept that.”

He raised an eyebrow.

“You will..?”

“Sure, clearly you needed little Lareli to bridge the gap that's some trick maybe I should use it on a few girls and see how many I can get.”

Julian cleared his throat as Lucio gave him a wide smirk, it was the sort to give one chills, in only the worse way. True enough they were friendly, he felt he could trust him to a point but he wasn't to be confused with a soft protector. One that only scared those harming his friends, it was always best to have your guard up around him. Sometimes Julian wondered if he misread him, he did take his job seriously, made sure every one of his people at least had the basics of what they need. He was harmless to most animals typically only bringing in more for his pets to play with, he was just one to watch if you were in the right circle.

Outside of it he was one to fear sometimes Julian wasn't sure which he belonged to, he kept quiet so long as his sister went unharmed and he kept his distance from him.

“I should make sure Lareli is really alright, while I'm here.”

“Oh don't mind me, go check on your women.”

“They aren't mine.”

Lucio's smirk faded as he chuckled watching Julian's back as he walked out he believed that about as much as he believed anyone could disagree with him.  
…....


	3. Things to consider

….....

  
Nadia watched her pace she knew that Portia would come get her when the Courtiers arrived before she left, she found herself settling next to Lareli. They sat in a richly decorated room mostly dark furniture with a white and blue touch to the blankets. As far as the palace went with both of them having a more expensive taste there was little disagreement on how to decorate. She chose some of the rooms along with the main sitting area and kitchen and he kept to the rest of the castle. Even the servants that didn't leave daily and stayed for the night time work had reasonably decorated rooms.

Nadia liked for them to be comfortable while Lucio could care less as far as he was concerned paying them was the end of his obligation to them. Considering he could sometimes be rather generous there were no complaints on that. He liked to be known as the more extravagant one. She absently traced the diamond-shaped stitching on the blanket feeling the silky smooth touch with a small balcony overlooking the fountain. Currently, the table that normally decorated it had been brought in it was one of her favorites. There had been times she would have considered keeping this room preferring the bathing room in this one.

Though she kept it for guests, currently none seemed acceptable enough to use it.

Refusing to settle Lareli wandered to the dresser, watching her wave a bit as if she was about to drop again Nadia stood to grab her arms. She felt the strangest drive to watch over her, things didn't feel right she was sure if she was asleep at least she could focus on what little she did have to do today but wandering around even with her healing abilities she was bound to hurt herself more than she had in the bathroom.

“I don't suppose you remember how often you have dizzy spells, do you? Are you always in a state fighting your memories?”

“Not a bit...you seem knowledgeable though, missing more than just last night?”

“I'm afraid so, some things from my childhood, and some things that I can't be sure where to place I try to keep that fact secret to most. Enemies always come out of the woodwork when they know you're lost and confused.”

Lareli nodded in understanding.

“And what if I'm an enemy?”

“I don't feel that you are, I don't know I do keep many at arm's length but I feel like I've gotten past that with you. I really hate this feeling without memories behind it.”

“I wish I could do something about it,” she said taking her hand to give it a squeeze, Nadia smiled though it was bitter.

“Maybe you can, after you remember more but don't worry about that no matter what I or even Julian is used to you're worst off than we are.”

“It's okay for me, I know who I am now.”

“And If Portia wasn't here could you be sure of who you were or anything she told you?”

“No, I suppose not.”

“Then focus on yourself....Julian, you can come in.”

After a moment he opened the door.

“You heard me coming?”

“I figured you'd be there, I should go I'll be back to check in later.”

Julian let her pass looking at Lareli before he walked over to make her turn toward him his supplies were limited but he could at least make her follow his finger. He still wondered if she was as healed as she appeared to be. He was just looking over her as any doctor might but it was different than the normal closeness from a checkup. It wasn't unwelcome just strange.

“Still hurting?”

“It's easing up a bit...” she wasn't just distracted by him, she reached to cover his hand with hers.

“Though I'm more concerned about you, your hands are cold.”

“They usually are...Nadia's right no one wants to be in this state but I know I have it good.”

“I was strained, don't confuse me for fragile.”

“I wouldn't, it's just the state.”

She huffed easily hoisting herself on the dresser she grabbed the front of his shirt yanking him forward a sly smirk on her face.

“A headache won't stop me from taking care of myself, I'll humor Nadia since she's so concerned..don't think more of it than that.”

He swallowed the lump in his throat, with a smirk he watched her shake her head.

“I get it...you take charge that's how we ended up where we did.” he sighed pretending he felt nothing from that. Still wasn't the time.

She grinned, that look of desire didn't go without her notice no matter how quickly he could cover it up.

“You...you seem like a big man to be so easily willed.”

“What can I say? I'm accommodating...or did that come out wrong, oh well it was the right sort of wrong. What am I doing flirting,...damn I'm a horrible doctor.”

He groaned muttering to himself about what he knew wasn't supposed to be doing, even if he wanted to do just that while reminding himself not to, pinching the bridge of his nose as she laughed he paced a bit.

It was hard to take his lamenting seriously when he smiled like that he was so different from Nadia, she reached to grab his sleeve.

“For what it's worth it's not so bad if you can't turn it off...I imagine you have a lot of patients that relax more around you because of it. I think you're fine as you are.”

He bit his lip.

“Don't stroke my ego...you don't remember the effect that has.”

“The face you're making gives me a pretty clear idea, it's unfortunate you're so pretty it's much easier to give yourself away with a pout like that.” she teased.

He scoffed a blush on his face but supposed it said something about her, for his ways there was still a limited number of people that could read him. If she spent enough time with him to read him then he was sure it was a lot more than just sex. He didn't think he normally got as unnerved so easily though he knew it could have been wishful thinking if she was really a powerful mage and picked up on it then he was already making a fool of himself. He didn't want to stay in his head anymore and turned away from him, he really needed an interruption in the form of rich palace food.  
…...

Lucio frowned watching Volta she couldn't really add to the conversation happily stuffing her face, Nadia was happy to feed her. She...well most of them made her feel uneasy, Lucio could hand entertaining Vulgora, Valdemar really only liked to talk about work but often times would sit there head cocked watching the room. Well aware that once 'work' got to enjoying the screams as a bit of blood dribbled until it flowed freely...the time to talk was over. He thought it was silly, Vlastomil's obsession with worms that he didn't even plan to dissect...now that was awful to consider. This way they were all silent until they needed to move to another point, the sooner it was over the better.

That still left Valerius who was there for meetings when he felt he needed to be, whether he was quiet or not depended on the audience, mostly the meeting was standard. Moving supplies around waiting for another cold front and preparing a good place to store food. Specifically what could spoil during a heatwave in the usual storage places. He swirled the wine in his glass staring at Nadia he sighed.

“If you have something to say Consul, get on with it.” she said simply.

“I could say the same to you, you keep looking around like you're expecting something is our meeting for the people you claim to care about too much for you?”

She glared at him.

“There is no claim, don't you worry about me, now about the animals you failed to move as I requested.”

He scoffed.

“I'm not in charge of animals.”

“You are if you don't want your home being filled with them, those damn goats were only sent here because you didn't do the right paperwork.” Lucio started.

“I say use them for target practice, the town could eat the remains I guess.” Vulgora said gaining Valdemar's attention.

Nadia shuddered.

“We are not that desperate for food.” she sighed as Volta stared at her in horror already chewing on her finger.

“But Countess I'll surely go hungry...”

“Nonsense there is more than enough food for you and every person who lives here, and when it's gone I'll just get more.” she said lightly.

She let out an inhuman squeal.

“Oh I would hug you if I had time...I must eat...I always need to eat oh thank you beautiful snack providing Countess.”

Nadia smiled lightly though seeing her tear into her meal watching to strike anyone who got too close, not pleasant. She wasn't too bad to deal with while there was food in front of her at least it was a trade-off.

“Still..there is something, I heard you spent an evening with a new friend.”

She gave him a look.

“I don't know who you've spoken to or how it's any of your business but that isn't relevant to the meeting.”

“Of course it is, if you can't concentrate on work then we ought to know why.”

“Valerius,” Lucio said in warning, he glanced at him surprised he spoke at all, the look on his face was the end of it.

“Whatever, is there anything else?”

Scowling a bit she shook her head, what more was there to talk about he was already getting uppity as it was. Lucio's view on them depended on his mood, he was just looking for this to be done with he didn't have anything else planned really as of yet. Disinterested, he was hoping they would slink off soon. No reason to drag it on.  
….

Nadia was relieved to be done with one more meeting she didn't have one for a while but she could never be sure when any of them would just drop by. She paused seeing Julian talking to one of her other maids, she was an older blond with gray eyes, most of the time she hardly stood out. Nadia had to think for a moment trying to remember her name, she wasn't sure if the woman was just forgettable or if it was connected to amnesia.

Ica, she walked overseeing the look on Julian's face she frowned.

“Julian what's going on?”

“She threw the serving tray at Lareli, she was still scalded from the tea before she had anything to heal. This one doesn't seem to think that's a problem.”

She glared at him before attempting to pout at Nadia who gave her a heated look, Valerius had a friendlier expression than she could. Ica backed up wringing her hands in her dress.

“Are you out of your mind?” there was an eerily calm touch to her voice as though she only had a few words to explain herself and she had better watch every one of them.

“..I was just watching out for you.”

Nadia frowned, really not wanting some unknown aware of anything lost she shook her head.

“You're not one of my guards and she is no threat.”

“But he's a threat to your relationship and she doesn't even care.”

She cocked her head.

“What the three of us choose to do is nobody's business, which is why there is no holiday to celebrate it and it happens behind closed doors fucking simpleton.” Julian snapped.

She huffed as Nadia rubbed her temples.

“But you hated being separated from her...now she's finally here and they're alone..”

“She hit her head and didn't need to be alone, Julian is a doctor and I had a meeting, wherein there is something mysterious going on that you think you need to be the attack for?”

She chewed on her lip going silent.

“That's what I thought you better go home for today I'll let Lareli decide if you deserve to keep your job since she was wronged. Get out of my sight.”

Ica couldn't had run faster, though Nadia wasn't sure if she should feel bad because she was just concerned about her or not. She looked at Julian as he stared at the floor, that was a can of worms she couldn't place.

“I wouldn't have gotten in the way if you had something with her....how well do you know her?”

“...Ica would stand in when I had to travel and Portia was unwell or in need of a vacation. I didn't really need her but you know how your sister can be when she's concerned. She'd pretty much get a chance to relax her days way. Even if we were all in Prakra I don't think what she suggests is like you.”

A shake of his head cut her off.

“But I guess we don't know that for sure, I don't want to hang around and speculate.”

“J...oh Nadia.”

Nadia frowned seeing the state of her after her run-in with Ica.

“Look I don't know if I deserved that or not and she wouldn't even answer my questions even when I got between her and Julian. I can't stand around and wait for surprise attacks.”

“Wait I have sent her home for now, I can have her fired immediately there is no reason for you to leave.”

Nadia wasn't sure she hated that forceful push in her mood or not, the simple fact of who she was with made her relax a bit she knew who wouldn't judge her for letting a little slip. She admired Julian's free expression with his emotions for that, though he had his own hangups they weren't like hers she knew. Lareli shook her head.

“It'll be fine you don't need to be concerned, I just need Portia to show me where to go.” she smiled though her head was throbbing again she really needed to be alone with her thoughts.

She looked seeing that absent pout from Nadia she seemed to catch herself but it almost felt normal, she blushed wondering how many times she let that slide.

“But I don't know if you really did anything wrong for me or her and I can't judge based on nothing.”

“I imagine we'll figure it out maybe you can tell her about your confusion blame it on me if you want say it was a spell gone wrong what either I'm a horrible person, she's confusing me for someone else or she's in love with you and thinks everything I do shames you. Where's Portia...?”

Julian sighed as he moved from the wall.

“She's probably in the kitchen, we'll go for now.”

He didn't like the idea at all, Nadia was a friend no matter what happened between them he wouldn't want to lose her but he wasn't sure if he thought that way before. If he had tossed his feelings on the one he thought understood him most out the window for one night. The thoughts stopped completely he didn't hear or feel a thing if the drink didn't affect him as much as he thought he couldn't even begin to guess on what kept him in the dark now.  
…

 


	4. The Note, The Snake, and The Book

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was a little all over with the place with this before I settled on what I want it's okay I guess.

…...

  
Things were silent as they reached the shop, it hadn't changed since the carriage Portia was a little uncomfortable but seeing her brother's face she let it go. He still wanted to see for himself where the shop was, he felt like he needed a drink though he wanted to know to make sure she was alright. His constant thought was Nadia and whether or not he was, however, Ica saw him. He frowned there was something like a blanket of cover he could sit and consider everything until he was sick of himself but it wasn't doing him any good. He hoped that she could get her memory back sooner for all he knew she had a spell that could fix it. The shop didn't look like much until she grabbed the handle, dust fell as the window opened up and the lights came to life.

Pulling the door opened the shelves slid out of the ground supplies appearing to be as fresh as when they were put away. More effective than a lock for her she guessed, she walked to the back of the counter pausing seeing the basket underneath shake a bit she frowned grabbing her broom to nudge it out of the way assuming there were mice, seeing the snake dart out she called out in surprise backing up until she tripped and fell back. Julian and Portia moved to her side as her ankle was 'grabbed'.

_'Friend!'_

Lareli blinked.

“Did the snake just talk to me..?” watching as she slithered up to show the blue ribbon around her neck a slip of paper sticking out.

“Of course, this is Faust Lareli, she's always hung around here she used to find her ways around easily like she was enchanted,” Portia asked.

“I heard it too Lareli...though I don't know her.” Julian offered.

“You have to know her, she can't communicate with someone she doesn't know...there is probably more to it than that. You told me about her Lareli.”

_'Take!'_

Lareli pulled the ribbon free along with the slip Faust popped the paper with her nose unfolding the little square. Again and again, until it was a larger chunk of paper as though ripped from something else. The words were a little messy as if written in a hurry but they could be read easily enough.

“If you're reading this keep Faust with you she'll warn you if she feels anything off, I was asked to let you know, should anything go wrong go to the palace the Countess would be happy to see you and you're always safe with her. Remember the book under your bed where you left notes...and stay away from the blue tinted chocolate cakes in the bakery, they are popular and you're allergic to their main ingredient.

A friend who owes you more than a favor.”

Turning it over she glanced at Porta who seemed concerned already.

“...What does that mean? Should we go back to the palace, Faust?”

_'Safe.'_

“I don't want to go back I'm fine...”

Julian wasn't so sure about that as he helped her up, Faust settled on her shoulder he could swallow most feelings accepting that no one wanted to be bothered. Something his sister considered an annoying trait. Though it was a little much for him he was worried about leaving her here he'd leave in a second just because he knew how to get here. He didn't want to fight with her.

She paused getting a set of near twin dirty looks from them, she wasn't sure they were aware of how threatening they could look in the right shadow. She smiled, needing to know if she really deserved that concern if she was a piece of shit that earned her troubles then, of course, it would be severely out of place.

“I need to go through things here but you know how to find it, I'll be fine.”

“Are you sure?” Portia asked.

“Of course..I should look for that book..this person mentioned...if anything goes wrong I'll come running on my own I feel like I'm fine..thanks for showing me Portia.”

She seemed unsure but nodded as she said goodbye to Julian before heading upstairs following Faust's directions. She nudged her brother seeing how uneasy he looked.

“You didn't get into a fight with her did you?”

“No..I don't know we might have some unsettling news, one of the servants made it seem like I was the third wheel to their relationship.”

She frowned putting her hands on hips.

“There's no way, Lareli isn't like that.”

“How do you know if you haven't' been with her....have you?”

She shook her head as he sighed running his hands through his hair he needed a drink and something to do. It was past time to open the clinic for once he hoped no one showed up, that is normally he didn't care how small it was he was free to help. Now there was much too much swirling about in his mind.

“If she's not going to come back I'll talk to Nadia.”

“Sure.” she said as he moved to leave.

They knew she would send a guard at least, without being sure if there was a threat and the effect they could have it was important to be on top of security. Glancing over her shoulder she chewed on her lip, moving to the edge to call up.

“Are you really sure you'll be okay??”

“Go on home, I have some wood for the fireplace up here.”

“...If you're sure...”

Soon she was alone aside from Faust who watched her closely, the plain room was a little dusty but still clean enough. Lareli groaned as her head throbbed she moved to the floor slowly reaching blindly beyond the light purple blanket feeling a bag she pulled it out and moved to sit on the bed instead Faust slid down to nose at the flap on the bag. Touching the binding she blinked a few times to clear her vision.

Yanking it free she opened the emerald green book and stared at the script left behind, a word that seemed to fade to scribbles groaning as she curled into a ball...  
…..

_“You really don't need to sneak around.”_

_Nadia ignored me as usual, I could use my most basic spells to bounce around freely she'd lock her door to keep the servants away and I'd slip in to take her wherever. It was a little draining so if she wanted to go further we had to make other plans. When she chose to show up on her own, under the cover of darkness without so much as a guard to watch over we'd go back and forth on the dangers of it. I didn't live in constant danger no, but I could never be sure ahead of time when I would be. I liked to know when she wanted to be here and when I had to take her back she was too stubborn when it came to that._

_“You said you were worried, I took the problem away.”_

_Always with a smirk, I liked it unfortunately and if it wasn't a pout it was the look she gave me now that got her what she wanted._

_I suppose I was paranoid we went many days without any problems still I had my reasons._

_“Not entirely, we're supposed to be friends I don't want you getting into trouble for me.”_

_“I wouldn't unless I had to, I'm due for a more personal maid she's being schooled right now...that is the end of my relationship when you leave I work then I'm alone. I'd much prefer a chance to come and go as I please.”_

_“I know...you're going to have a young girl work for you?”_

_“No no she's not young..well younger than me but she's a grown woman, I'm just making sure she can read and write and has time to..get to know herself I suppose.”_

_She wandered around the room looking at the mix of fabrics I kept for my costumes, she didn't ask directly but I knew she wanted me to make something for her. I had ideas but she can assume I didn't notice, makes for a nice surprise._

_“Meaning?”_

_“She said she's always worked in a little bar near her home, I thought even if she moves here it's one shelter to another when she comes we'll have something to talk about.”_

_“Then you won't need me.”_

_She pouted then staying silent, she had an unbelievable talent...of quilting me, back then I didn't know why. We were just friends._

…..

She sat up shaking her head before she stood, ignoring the sound of her book hitting the floor, going through the closet, and drawers she found a box it was a slim white gift box they provided at the marketplace. Various sizes for little things you could buy there or make yourself some of the stall owners preferred that supplies were often more expensive than the finished product. Not that it was any problem, people needed money and there were a few ways to barter when you couldn't pay. Untying the ribbon she pulled it open.

_'Pretty!'_

She smiled patting Faust on the head gently with a finger as she looked at the material a deep royal blue, sky blue, silvery gray, and a sheer white slip covering the main black skirt from the hips. She pulled the acceptably cut dress out. Something Nadia would wear though modest in it's own way the wavy sleeves were sheer ending in ribbons matching the silver belt. Shaking the dress a note slipped out. Bending to grab it she soon sighed.

A little something I thought you'd like was crossed out.

She made a note underneath that said Nadia probably wouldn't like the colors it could be for scraps instead. She frowned vaguely remembering that she hadn't even seen it, it was a comment she made while they were shopping.

“I guess it wasn't much of a surprise was it..”

_'Sad?'_

She smiled at her and shook her head, thinking she might have been they were friends when she made this but after that...she didn't consider this again. Maybe she had been bothered thinking she wouldn't like this. She sighed folding slowly to put it away, frustrating scratching at her mind as she moved open it seeing that it was blank she frowned.

“Faust...?”

_'Magic!'_

She switched to the other shoulder.

_'Secrets!'_

Waving a bit as if excited she flicked her tongue out.

_'Precious.'_

_'Yours.'_

Lareli looked down so little but yet clear enough personal thoughts or any events she wrote about were hers to see. Staring at the blank page the script slowly reappeared, soon they were gone again since she'd already see thoughts on the person who knew she would need this. Faust slid onto the page as her head throbbed once again.

_'Rest.'_

Sitting down slowly she guessed her options were limited for the moment as Faust made her way to the nightstand she turned to another page her head ached and the page remained clear. It wasn't going to be that easy to get everything back. Though it was a start, that's all she could ask for.  
…...

 


	5. A sweet friend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am a bit...no I'm a super airhead so I might have forgotten some information I looked up the baker and he seems to be a very in the background sort of character. So I gave him a little more..reason for the title.

…....

 

 

Julian paced back and forth in the plain waiting room of the clinic in front of the fireplace, aside from books to read the patients mostly talked to one another before he called them back. There had been a few small children with colds and he made sure they were well taken care of before sending them back home. He ended up with less to do than he needed. He thought of Mazelinka when he first got back he met with her again. He remembered coming to know her when he was younger. It had been a pleasant feeling to recognize a face when he was unsure of what to claim about his time with Valdemar.

Though it was empty now, as she moved to Nevivon, she left the house for him to use if he wanted. She traveled to her old cottage once in a while over the time he spent here. When she said she didn't think she was needed anymore she moved there. It had been a couple years since she left.

He knew he could write her, and that she could make out his handwriting but he didn't know what to say. He could just picture her threatening him with her spoon after hearing what he could be like, he sighed heavily considering going to her house at least remained a place he could think better than his own. It wasn't really home yet he didn't think it should be.

He nearly growled in annoyance as he messed his hair, he stood worrying over choices he wasn't sure he made and still only wanted to see her. He moved to lock up pausing as he heard someone calling for him. Glancing out the window he moved to open the door seeing the head of the guards he frowned.

“What happened to Nadia?”

He removed his helmet the new brighter and silvery armor that Lucio chose was made as usual and charmed. He understood the need to be warm when it was cold and cool when it was too hot so to satisfy the idea he had of constant armor, to always be a presence he spared little expense for them. Though Nadia wasn't concerned about that Lucio had a way with business when they didn't have to make cutbacks to add to something for everyone who lived here then he did as well as he needed to.

Darus was a handsome man he often kept his face covered as several women and some men tended to flock to him. Julian had no interest but he could see why the more confident, dark haired, green-eyed man was so popular. Aside from his looks despite his position among the guards he was also the fairest. No matter his orders no one had to be scared or concerned when he showed up.

He smiled.

“Nothing, the Countess, and Count are both fine, everyone's fine really.”

Julian nodded shifting to let him in.

“I won't stay long, I was asked to check on your friend...Lareli isn't it?”

“Right..she lives a couple houses away from the bakery, need me to show you?”

“I can manage, the Countess was just concerned, she also asked to tell you that she'd prefer not to have bad blood between you.”

“She doesn't know if it's necessary or not.”

“Maybe, but I've learned to trust her gut instincts she's been right on other occasions, good night.”

Julian waved closing the door behind her Nadia was perceptive but he wondered if that was enough to give him the mental peace he needed.

…....

The next morning Lareli left fairly early under a light cloak as it was already starting to get too warm for her tastes. Faust slid further under the pillow refusing to get up, she went through her closet and found coins, she chose to leave most behind just in case. With her mostly empty bag, another book filled with notes and her journal she was able to leave. She paused as a man stepped in her way, he was older with a wide smile with the smell of cinnamon already coming from him she smiled. Samu's name tag saved her from confusion put his hands on his hips he was a fairly skinny man with a balding head.

“Lareli I thought I saw you, why don't you come in and relax a bit I just pulled out some pumpkin bread, I say you're always my favorite the only one happy to eat through it no matter what I do to it. Today I dipped it in chocolate,” he said hoping to win her over.

The older man seemed chipper, the mood was infectious.

“Oh uh...sure.” he nodded excitedly and hurried in she followed behind him the limited shelves were loaded with various ingredients and treats wrapped in colorful, but transparent paper.

He had a few pictures up of his family, he hugged a younger woman and his lovely wife, a happy plump wife the words, my dearest girls across the top. The fireplace was spotless and next to a glass case filled with ice he seemed prepared for the worst. The light smells mixing in the air put a smile on her face it was comforting, familiar. She blinked a few times rubbing her head she saw a few different moments, he did love to test new treats on her and even on a bad day he had the same smile. She looked around and spotted the cakes she was warned about. They did look pretty with candy ribbons and light drizzles of various flavors. Blank on a few things or not she wasn't going to take a warning on allergies lightly.

“Oh, Lareli it's here.”

She turned to walk over to him she looked at the six pretty conch like swirls of bread ends covered in rich chocolate. He scooted one toward her and scooped the rest into a pink box, she enjoyed the sweet buttery taste he chuckled.

“Ah I missed that smile, you know it's still the same since the last time I saw you hardly anyone appreciates a good pumpkin cake anymore. Even my wife thinks I'm strange, but anything I put strawberries in she considers the best. I have the racks filled already met some travelers in the Rowdy Raven and one free sample customers for life. Now you take these...welcome home dear.”

She smiled warmly at him as he pushed the box toward her after double checking that it was shut tight enough, she moved to dig into her bag and he made a noise.

“It is a gift you know.”

“Oh, I couldn't...”

He shook his head.

“We always have this talk Lareli, my family wouldn't be here without you and Doctor Julian, in fact, my wife took a little trip with our daughter, preparing to send her away for school and she's going to be steamed she missed a chance to see you. You know she still thinks you're too skinny if I let you go out without something nice to fill your stomach she'll have my backside so really you're doing me a favor.”

She eyed him a grin on her face as he frowned a bit hardly able to pout as he hoped he was.

“Okay...if you put it like that..thank you.”

“You're welcome...oh and before I forget a palace guard got lost trying to find you he said he wasn't lost but he kept looking around like he was embarrassed. He had something for you too from the Countess.”

He moved toward the back and fumbled a bit as she slid the box in her bag she pulled out some coins dropping them in the tip pouch, she was aware of the worth of the gold coins. She was curious what she had done with Julian that made him like her so much though it did give her a warm and fuzzy feeling seeing how he lit up, even more, talking about his family.

He was a sweet man.

“Oh...what was it?”

He came back and set a short blue box in front of her.

“Not too sure, I said I would get your attention and get it to you...you look different I noticed your face ha..you love playing with your hair color don't you?”

“Sure....it's fun.”

She ran her free hand through her hair wondering if those unknown bottles in her bathing room had been hair coloring or if it was a spell, unhooking the top she looked down and saw a silver dagger the handle was studded with a few purple gems, and green vines twirling around the handle. Aside from that, it was rather simple the sheath on the other side was rather plain except for the pretty script written in the corner.

From Nadi to Lara...make sure you keep it with you Lareli, she shook her head.

Samu gave a low whistle.

“Now a knife like that could really slice some pumpkin bread..you aren't in trouble are you?”

She shook her head not wanting him to worry.

“No, she's very..practical with her gifts.”

“Oh I see, she's one we never have to worry about with her in charge.”

She slipped the knife in the sheath and closed the box slipping both in her bag.

“Thanks again for the bread I have to go.”

“Of course, I'll see you later okay?”

She waved as she headed out finishing the last of her breakfast she didn't know where she was going she just had to look around. With her journal useless while she was worked up clearly she was in need of a distraction.

….

Portia looked down as Pepi rubbed up against her ankle, she knew Julian wanted to talk to Nadia but settled on telling her the first chance she got. Seeing Darus heading out she'd been relieved, she didn't normally bring Pepi along when she cleaned but she wanted the company. She wondered if Lareli would be back or if she'd have to go see her. Hearing the sound of barking she sighed and looked around. The dogs were used to her cat at least and left her alone. Didn't mean she liked them one bit.

“Morning Portia.”

She raised an eyebrow.

“Good morning mi'lord.” she watched him curious about his mood, he wasn't always in a good mood in the morning.

He leaned against the wall and eyed her.

“Did you need me to take care of something?”

“Not really, I just noticed that Nadia seemed a bit...mopey at breakfast I wondered what was wrong with her. I asked her and she just gives me this fake smile and shakes her head.”

Portia smiled lightly then.

“You were worried about her?”

He rolled his eyes.

“Don't think too much on it.”

“But I was told that we didn't have to worry too much meaning you have no meetings.”

“So?”

“So...you have no need to be concerned about her helping you...but you're worried anyways how sweet.”

He groaned.

“Right...just tell me.”

She shook her head.

“I don't really know for sure since they were confused she's probably just frustrated that she can't be sure if she should be upset or not. About what I don't know.”

He frowned though he nodded almost in understanding.

“I see that makes sense, somewhat, if she's having trouble but remembers something surely talking it out would help.” there was at time he constantly reminded Nadia about how choosy she should be revealing her memory loss. Though she was as untrustworthy as he could be so he learned to let it go.

“Maybe....” she didn't want to risk bad blood rising in case it was just confusion, they would figure it out without anyone butting in.

“If that's all it is I'll let it go, for now, I can't say I understand lost memories and knowing just enough for it to be clear they are there.”

Portia's smile widened it was a rare side to see.

“I'm sure if she needs your help she'll tell you.”

“I suppose..about you I realize I do need something.”

“Yes, mi'lord?”

“Come with me.”

She bent to pick up Pepi really hoping he hadn't been playing with the dogs inside and was leading her to a mess she couldn't handle.

…..


	6. As memories slide in

….....

With a place near the market to relax Lareli was able to find some time alone while surrounded, her mind wandered a bit. Though her gaze shifted up watching as everyone went about their day, buying groceries and gifts, spending time with friends she felt a bit out of place. She wished she knew if it was just because she was confused or if she'd always felt like that here, the heat hadn't gotten too bad if anything it had cooled down. She moved to stand thinking if her journal was going to reveal secrets she probably didn't want to be surrounded by people. Still, she felt like she could handle more, turning to the free page she looked down as the script appeared she rubbed her head the ache was light before it faded.

Digging around in her bag she pulled out her other book a plain book with a gray cover with red writing a recipe book. As she got ready she just felt there was something important about it just as she was about to open it she felt a hand on her shoulder. Turning to see Julian she smiled and slid her books back in her bag before she stood.

“Did you see the guard?”

“No but he left something for me with Samu, a dagger from Nadia.”

He nodded, a smirk on his face.

"Good, Portia must have talked to her at least until you can get back to however powerful you were before it would be good to have the protection.”

“Yeah.”

“Listen...why don't we have a drink?”

“Already?”

He chuckled.

“It doesn't have to be alcoholic, I don't have that much of a problem, while the weather is nice there's a little place we can visit maybe you've been there.”

“I don't see why not..didn't you come here for shopping though?”

“Oh I just ordered some more supplies for the clinic they'll be delivered later.”

With a nod she followed behind him she looked up watching as those went by who would call out to him to say hello. She smiled it soon became clear how much of a beloved doctor he'd become here, she brushed hair behind her ear she wanted to tell him what Samu said but while they were crowded it would have to wait. Even if many cared about him she didn't know who lived here that didn't. He led her to a newer shop. There were a few tables but mostly there were large open windows and pale teal couches decorated with a mix of flowers the scent of fruit teas wafting from the back room. At the moment there weren't many inside she could see how it would be nice to relax here. The thick wooden shutters would keep the warmth in. He led her to one of the couches hitting the bell near the arm rest.

Soon an elderly man much beyond Samu's years came out to take their order, mostly it was a tea shop but there were a few other drinks they had. Waiting for the teas to be brought out she stared out the window absently.

“Samu told me...that you and I helped his family.” she started after offering one to him she didn't think they were too sweet to be with the teas they ordered.

A creamy green flavored with milk and honey, and strawberry mix tea for him.

"We did?”

“I remembered I saw him a lot but I only got so much....he also said I colored my hair, I wonder what I looked like when I met him first. The little I got back I didn't see my face .”

He wished he could put it together he glanced at her leaning back to pull some hair free it looked completely covered not one fade. Even her eyebrows remained dark, he shook his head pulling his hand away he could only guess how many times he'd done that.

“That sort of cover..must be a spell though I'm not the one to come to for magic, maybe you have a little book just for things like that.”

“Maybe...”

He tossed his head back.

“As for you helping me I wonder when..and if anyone else has had memories removed.”

“You think there is more?”

“It took a while for Samu to even welcome me, his wife said not to take it personally because he was just like that with new people.”

She sighed heavily rubbing her temples.

“I'm beginning to think magic is how we got in this situation.”

“Wouldn't doubt it, don't stress okay, one day at a time.”

“I hope...I did find a journal of mine to help but it seems it won't show me anything unless I'm at ease.”

She let him look through it as they sat in silence the breeze that came through was nice but the chill had rose again. He paused on a page as she looked over his shoulder she saw the memory she had seen already.

“Can you see that?”

“Mmhmm..don't want me to read it?”

“It's fine....” she felt a sort of tingle in the back of her head though it faded quickly enough.

“I did just give you permission by handing it to you...I wish I could get the rest of my memories back that easily.” she said lowly.

He rested his arm on the back of the couch almost around her though he stopped himself no matter what his mind felt watching her as she struggled. He frowned it didn't mean he cared about Nadia's feelings less at the moment they had the same place in his concerns. He guessed that said something about him but damn if that meant anything to him. As clueless as day one, it was clear he had to take his own advice there.

“Don't worry about it for now...let's just relax a little and then you can come with me to the clinic, maybe you'll think of something there.”

“He didn't go into details, I guess he wouldn't have to since I'm supposed to know what we did....I'll just wait do you need help there? I don't want to be in the way.”

“You couldn't be in the way, I want you there.”

He blinked pressure in his head.

_'Julian...you're cute.....don't make the face it's not a bad thing.'_

He shook his head.

“I have...a feeling the last time you said that to me the situation was different.” Lareli said watching him with concern.

“So do I.....I keep getting these little blurbs of conversation not enough to piece things together just a little glimpse. We should go before one of us checks out in public at least at home I can lock the door.”

“Will anyone need anything?”

“If they do I have a bell they can sound easy to hear.”

She nodded as he returned her journal he stood finishing his tea as she did and moved to pay at the main counter. Reaching to grab her bag she shoved her journal in and followed behind him, he sighed as he quietly told her what he couldn't remember if it was a spell there was something there. He didn't believe it was Lareli's fault he didn't know why but the part of himself he couldn't reach was on her side in every way. If possible the market place was even busier and there were a lot more people glad to see ..both of them, things were really off. To say the least.

….

As they passed the bakery going up and toward the clinic Samu he waved grin as big as ever, Julian raised an eyebrow but remained as friendly as he could while hoping he wasn't going to be asked anything he couldn't answer.

“Ah Doctor Julian and hello again Lareli.”

She nodded with a smile.

“My wife was asking about you Doctor, she wanted to know if your friend liked those blueberry tarts you specially ordered. Still aren't sure if they are a permanent part of the menu but they move pretty quickly, your friend must have good taste.” he spoke happily but the way he said 'friend' sounded like he suspected there was a lot more to that title, for Julian anyways.

“I....oh yes she did, they are pretty good.” it wasn't completely a lie the little tarts were very well made .

Though he was drawing a blank on this special order, it worried him thinking he had other friends that just appeared to be unknowns to him.

“Well that's great, you'll have to bring her by, you know it's not really my business but I have to say when you opened your clinic it always seemed strange to see you without Lareli. Though I guess you knew he needed to see for himself that he could handle the work on his whether you were there or not huh?”

“Right...”

“Maybe I'll still learning...the clinic hasn't been open that long.”

“Nonsense, I'm surprised it opened at all you moved around so much helped a lot of people, you made it clear every day you didn't have to be in one place to be the best you can be. With those weird animals roaming around it's good to have a doctor that can deal with bites Vesuvia is accident prone I swear. It's good you chose to settle down anyhow, it's always nice to pack up and move but home is what you come back to not take along for the ride.”

Julian tried to smile though it came as a grimace as his head throbbed he saw a flash in his mind something like a wolf but it was much larger than one of Lucio's pets and blue. Then some sort of cat the messy fur almost looked like it was melting. He hadn't seen one of those..at least not recently Lareli grabbed his arm. Seeing him stumble a bit before he balanced himself.

“Are you alright Doctor?” Samu asked, worry painting his tone.

“He's just a little strained, I told him he didn't take good enough care of himself he doesn't sleep nearly as much as he should.”

Samu smiled softly.

“You hear that, you're lucky you have her back so listen to her we can't have you passing out on us now . Better hurry back it's getting hot the heat isn't going to help a dizzy spell. Look at me my wife always says I talk too much when I'm not supposed to, go on.”

Lareli waved as Julian pulled himself together as best he could.

_'You need to care more......I mean about yourself you know I'm only so good with magic one day you won't be well and I'll be here useless watching you suffer.....help you with your patients?...I guess I can try.'_

He sighed heavily as he sank into a chair once they were in she went to the sink to fill a glass with water for him he glanced at her a haze touching his eyes.

“...You were supposed to be my nurse, you were worried about your skills in magic.”

“....A traveling dancing nurse that did magic poorly..uh anything else did I juggle monsters too?”

He smirked weakly emptying the glass.

“Maybe it certainly would have entertained the patients...it does explain the clothes I found while cleaning last night I think I was waiting for you to get back.”

Though if it was more for work, or just to be with him in general he would have to see.

…....

 


	7. Assistance and ache

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had this finished then got a better idea and ended up changing the course of the whole chapter...hate when that happens ha.

…..

 

After an almost a week of silence Nadia grew even more stressed, she heard from the servants that Lareli was helping out at the clinic. There were more talking about her it was like she hadn't been gone at all, though she hadn't remembered another thing. She was sure it was because she hadn't been around her she had been busy which she'd been thankful for. With time to herself, she knew she had to go see what happened..what changed. Darus informed her that the dagger she found was with Lareli but she guessed while she was with Julian she was fine.

She grit her teeth a bit, jealousy, it was strong today not of Julian just that she wasn't with her she rested her head against the wall trying to ease the headache creeping up. All the pain without anything coming back it was just another agitation. Unwilling to just sit there and wait it out again she moved to stand, Portia was behind her grabbing her clothes to be washed having just finished her hair. She looked over worried about her hissed in pain.

“Mi'lady...”

“You really don't have to address me that way Portia.”

“It's just what I'm used to, how are you feeling?”

“Fine just a little on edge I think I need to get out of the palace.”

Her thoughts wandered when she didn't have to worry about meetings or paperwork to be sent out she was dealing with the Courtiers. Any little moment she was stuck in her own mind worried about Lareli. She wanted to tell herself that she couldn't accept anyone that might have cheated with a friend. Instead, she knew she didn't care if Ica was right or if it was a misunderstanding. She hated the position she was without even a bit of the 'why'. It was unsettling.

“You know people come and go but I haven't noticed many ships or boats bringing anyone back lately.”

“The docks have been quiet...”

“Too quiet...yet I hear in the halls they..other servants are talking about her that didn't know who she was before. I mean they acted as though when I walked in the hall with her that she was just another unknown hanging around for the day...only Ica knews her out of them all. Now those who don't know her hear the stories from anyone who does. Though I remain the same..my memories as broken as they were before.”

Portia frowned before the look was replaced with surprise.

“Widespread amnesia..?”

“It seems...so far anyhow, who would want to wipe her from town?...It has to be magic right? Some of the mages have left books as gifts but I wouldn't even know what to look for.”

“I don't know....I was just thinking it was normal for them to be happy to see her you know when Julian came back he found some lost families that needed home..who knows how many have moved only recently.”

She shook her head, Portia never had headaches unless she was unwell she never thought she was confused on the world around her. Though Nadia's concern made her feel she should have been things were just normal but she couldn't be sure how long that was the case. She never forgot Lareli at least she didn't think she had.

“Maybe I can get the books for you and Lareli can look through them...even with amnesia she'd be more likely to figure it out.”

“I would hope....they are in a different shelf a bright blue one should be safely hidden in the corner....take your time I'd like to rest before I go. Your brother seems to get more protective than you do when it comes to a health issue.”

She smiled, he was good at what he did.

“Well I have some dusting to take care of it shouldn't take too long but after a nap it might cool down a bit and then you can go, they might still have things to do at the clinic anyhow,” she said, hoping Nadia would listen to her.

She didn't look well, it...her expression seemed to change on a dime even if she took a carriage no doubt it was much better to relax a bit first. Lareli wasn't going anywhere, they didn't even know what she could have remembered while with Julian.

She nodded, and Portia made her way out of the her room, Nadia wondered if Lareli even wanted to see her she groaned in annoyance there it was again. Want, perhaps for no reason. She sat in silence with the thin curtains closed for a few minutes before standing to get a glass out of the little cabinet she kept a personal collection of wine in. She didn't always go for a drink when her head was giving her trouble a proper ruler couldn't risk being a drunk. Though it was an exception she was willing to make. As she touched the wood she felt a shortness of breath, as if she was being strangled. Nothing was there, she didn't feel anything.

She gagged unable to breathe soon her vision was fading before she collapsed. Around her a thin blue layer...one nearly invisible to the naked eye vanished.

….

Portia stopped short as Lucio came down the hall, she thought of the last time they spoke he wanted her to clean something in the end the favor was just taking care of his room. Though really he kept his room nearly spotless so while she dusted they mostly chatted here and there. She had been here a few years and it hadn't happened before. She wondered if she had forgotten that before or not, she wasn't just paranoid there were some things that just seemed to come close she didn't really think about it. One of the other maids commented on her changing what she had for breakfast but she didn't think she had.

It was minor but it also didn't come with any pain one day things just went back to how they always were even to her it didn't make sense. It was strange but she imagined it was much easier than what Nadia was struggling with. She guessed there was more to consider than she thought though it didn't matter too much she would go with Nadia. Still, she stopped there was no reason to rush back the dusting hadn't taken long as she thought but she was sure she could use a little more rest.

She was hoping things were easier for Julian and Lareli. She didn't truly realize how little she stopped by the clinic until she heard more talk about it. She was due to get off earlier tonight it was a perk that was rotated for all of the servants and she was looking forward to using that time to hopefully get some answers.

“Mi'lord.” she said in greeting.

He nodded though for a moment his attention was on his arm, he often commented on Julian's handiwork either he was glad about it or hated that he lost his real arm. Just another thing that depended on his mood.

“Where are you off to Portia?”

“Just to the library, mi'lady needs some books out of there she said she wasn't in a hurry so I finished what was left of my chores first. Did you need something first?”

“Oh, the usual undivided attention.”

She sighed putting her hand on her hip.

“Okay, you've got it,” he smirked.

Not that he would say it even to himself but when it came to their little chats in the hallway in passing or their more memorable one not too long ago he started to enjoy her company. She was strong, a polite and worthy maid, while a friend at the same time. He found it rare and intriguing, sometimes he felt himself behaving as he would in most relaxed situations. The other royals always looked for weaknesses, the proud were less watched than one would think. Other times they could speak to one another as usual.

“I need you to assist me with something, normally I'd deal with it myself and I'm sure you see me as any servant impossibly perfect but I made my last mistake.”

She nodded slowly a half smirk on her face, perfectly full of himself or perfectly threatening when it suited him though how he saw himself not in the least. Now she wouldn't be the one to burst his bubble but she did find it funny.

“Alright...I haven't been gone long she could rest a little longer.”

“Excellent come this way.”

As he turned on his heel and headed back toward his room with her close behind him.

…..

He walked quickly as soon as they were in his room he slid his shirt off, still facing her she waited to see what he would do next before assuming the worse. She wasn't completely innocent and she didn't know many lovers at all. The sight didn't bother her in anyway, still he was nicely toned from his usual choice of exercise, it wasn't a bad sight to say the least. She almost eyed him suspiciously until he turned her back to her.

“I need your assistance in my bathing room as you can see I managed to claw myself the last time I attempted to wash my own back.”

Her smile faded replaced with concern as she walked over to examine the vicious cuts decorating his back. They were healing but the scabs were still rimmed in red she wasn't much for first aid but Julian had given her basic lessons. She knew they weren't infected at least just very new.

“What happened?” she asked.

“Apparently the trainer I have for the dogs has been trying something new when I curled my arm to reach it triggered their need to attack..”

She rolled her eyes smiling as he groaned stretching far too much.

“Why didn't you just say something before?” she had half a mind to hit him with something, anything.

“I have enemies Portia, I won't have my troubles being broadcasted through the palace.” though he spoke with a touch of anger to his voice she frowned slightly. If it had been more serious no one would have done anything.

He could be a pain when he wanted to be but that didn't mean she ever had a reason to wish death on him.

“So what do you want me to do? Run and get Ilya?”

“I just need you to wash my back and reapply the salve that your brother gave me.”

“He knew you were injured?”

“ It's not the first time they thought to show off what they knew, the medicine your brother gave me the last time one of them got too rough, has pushed the healing process. It was a bite then I told him they were normally calm and he gave me some that was meant to last a while just in case, it's under my bed. Please, and don't make a big deal out of it...”

Admittedly she was a little surprise he was willing to admit any mistake on his part or ask for her help still she smiled.

“Very well...still you can trust him he won't say anything.”

“He doesn't have to..I just have to be seen alone with him.”

She still blushed only slightly as he seemed to throw propriety out stripping down freely, wounded or not he wasn't going to behave any differently.

“Consider yourself lucky, you get to freely watch me nude.”

As he earned another eye roll she considered the ability to get away with it if she 'slipped' and hit him right on the angriest looking wound.

…...

Portia sighed he had been fairly quiet though she was sure it hurt to have to apply pressure, she was going to have to talk to Julian..if they didn't heal properly. She stopped at Nadia's door and knocked not hearing a sound she let herself in she dropped the books under her arm and ran to Nadia's side she let out a scream then....it was after all the best way to alert someone in the palace.

 


	8. A strong connection

…....

 

Julian absently stirred the tea in front of him looking over at the couch where Lareli was sitting aside from the usual check ups it had been fairly calm. Even without a push of memories coming back he got to enjoy the constant company. She went through the clothes he found many of them were much lighter than the beautiful costumes she dressed in. She found a slimming white dress with various cuts up the sleeve. Along with a dark blue skirt to wear over it as it was very much above her thigh, the skirt was plain but the thin material seemed to flow around her as she walked she hadn't looked at her journal today and she wasn't entirely sure how it worked.

At first, she was sure if she paced herself that was enough but she seemed to need a push, Julian didn't think he was helping her very much but at the same time she was struggling with her memory loss. So far her head only ached.

He walked over to sit next to her handing her a cup, she dug around in her bag and pulled out the recipe book. He smirked looking over her shoulder.

“Thinking of making something special for dinner?”

“I could...but it has a lot of notes in it....this cake tastes better with these herbs mixed in..these cookies should be stored with these flowers for freshness...I don't know I just had to grab it. I've been slowly flipping through some of the pages.”

He leaned over, the book was fairly large with thin sheets he grabbed her hand to stop her seeing one little note scribbled next to a recipe for lobster claws mostly for the sides that were best with it. She meant to make the meal of seasoned bread, freshly washed greens, and chocolate creams for him.

“Spoiled me huh..”

She rolled her eyes with a slight smirk.

“People have to eat Julian I'm sure since you don't take good care of yourself that I was just going to hold you down and make you eat.”

He blushed then, she laughed and hit his chest as he chuckled.

“I didn't mean like that you pervert.”

“I did.....this is so hopeless.”

“If you take a cold bath you might feel better.”

He gave her a look rolling his head to the side shook her head expression disbelieving.

“Does that turn you on too?”

“....I'm not a normal man Lareli.”

His smile softened hearing her laughter, he knew it was a mess but he was sure he'd get enough self-loathing after they found out what the relationship really was. He hadn't slept with her again though when he saw her walking up the path to the clinic smiling at him his thoughts always changed. They jumped hearing the bell sound it was as if the person meant to rip it off she stood the book sliding off her lap as she followed behind him seeing the guard over the fenced in area only made them more nervous.

“Doctor, come quickly it's the Countess! Just grab whatever we aren't sure what's wrong,” he called.

That was all they needed to hear, she grabbed her bag and he grabbed his.  
…..

_I had been sick for more than a month I couldn't use magic I shut myself in, in case I was under attack I didn't want to drag anyone else down with me. My journal had been left useless, the cover was made with the blood of the mage it was tied to. One prick of the finger and your life was recorded with current thoughts no matter how jumbled. When I was a child I found it to be the coolest item a mage could own._

_Seeing where it was lacking was scarier as an adult, the state you were in once you tried to relive the memories determined how you saw things. I didn't know the first thing about any sickness that worked like this so it wasn't enough to just keep it with you there were ways to avoid being written in history._

_At the moment I sat on the fountain near the family's palace in Prakra on the fountain hidden in the gardens. I knew Nadia was here I had originally turned down her invitation to come along. We were close friends but I hadn't met her sisters who she'd be with, she insisted that it was better. She was really convinced I'd choose one of them over her._

_It was beautiful here but I wasn't here as a tourist. I sometimes enjoyed traveling by boat but lately, I had to travel a bit better with the idea in my head that I could risk being sick again. like any other apprentice, I was taught several spells to assist me while on my own. A spell to travel between realms the strongest of the basic few. Not so much reaching those that had passed on but a brief touch from one side to another out to the place one desired._

_Faust could use this on a smaller scale and she loved to catch me by surprise. Most of my own didn't just stick together as normal family and friends might. Due to spells like this. It was harder when you needed help from someone with more training who didn't want to be found one mage could easily stop you from coming after them._

_They preferred you learned on your own once they were sure you wouldn't kill yourself with a potion gone wrong. That was one thing that was considered important a mage couldn't curse themselves shooting energy back at your own person canceled it out. So I hadn't failed in my studies but then that left me without a clue as to where I should go or who I should talk to._

_I sighed, it was a wild goose chase but I had to do something and leaned back shifting as I saw a book next to me, I sighed heavily it hadn't been there before I don't know who was hopping around but I picked it up. If whoever it was wanted to help...it would have been nice to see who._

_It was a recipe book I went through the pages until I found where the bookmark stood out, a folded piece of paper rested inside. Looking it over my mouth fell....a curse and a dangerous one. Whoever cast it needed me in the dark I moved to stand before I could leave I heard a gasp. Looking around the edge I saw Nadia, on the ground face red as she tried to catch her breath._

_They didn't know I was here it was just somewhere to regain my strength to leave again._

_“Nadia...can you hear me?” I asked as I dropped by her side helping her sit up._

_She shook her head._

_“....I.. don't know...I was in my room and something didn't..feel right...I can't....” she trailed off slipping off._

_“Just relax...this much I can take care of.”_

_Laying her on the ground I stood up, pulling a bottle out of my bag to fill it with water tapping the side muttering a light spell I waited for it to warm and shift to a translucent gold. It was a minor spell when combined with the way we traveled it helped to zone in, I had to. We'd been separated too long and with the little_ curse _she was dying._

_“I'm sorry for what I've dragged you into Nadi..” she was close to the edge of the void._

_The only good that came from the curse after weakening the tie or me in this situation, was that afterward the other could have least come to them the same way. She didn't know I had stopped by I didn't want to interrupt her with my concerns while she dealt with her sisters. If I had been hurt it would have been too late, she'd be gone and I'd have no idea I'd just join her._

_Two dead without a clue left behind._

_I grabbed her and yanked her back, we were lucky this time. As she coughed shooting up as her body twitched I swore I wouldn't just leave her again I got lucky this time. I moved to pull her against me as she relaxed against me breathing returned to normal she hugged me back._

_“....When..did you get here?”_

_“..Surprise.” I'd have to tell her later first I had to see that she was really okay, and could handle it._  
….

“Lareli...?”

She sat up her head throbbing she shook her head immediately regretting it as she fell forward, Julian held her steady as she rubbed her temples breathing evenly.

“...What happened...?”

“When we got here you collapsed and Nadia got worse...then you were up like you were possessed you did something I don't know but it worked. Nadia is stable now.” she blinked a few times and looked up at him, trying to focus on the room behind him to clear the blur from her gaze.

“Something to do....with golden water?”

“Right..”

“I got a...memory back...this happened before I knew I wasn't...supposed to leave her alone her life is tied to mine. Ica...was there then I saw her over Nadia's shoulder...I didn't trust her then and I don't trust her now.” she groaned trying to focus.

Julian felt a bit of relief, it was short lived.

“Who is trying to kill you through Nadia though?”

“I don't know.” the idea was terrifying, she moved to reach in her bag and cursed realizing her book wasn't there.

“Dammit look if Nadia is fine I have to go..the curse...someone gave it to me maybe there's a clue or a way around it I have to go back to the clinic.”

“Wait a minute you can't..” he started trying to stop her though she grabbed his wrist.

“She will be fine it'll take a moment and I'll be right back.”

She pulled away from him and faded from view.

With a scream she hit the floor she groaned hearing the hissing she turned around and smiled seeing Faust on the book she needed. It was open pages down where it had fallen, she patted Faust's head before letting her slither up her arm and to her shoulder.

She carefully picked up the book and was relieved to see the worn sheet slide out intact there it was just like her memory.  
….


	9. A need for a shift

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one got changed several times I cut out whole sections and redid them...also this one is sort of a transition chapter I guess.

…...

Nadia groaned as she felt someone stroking her head, she was sure covering her hand with hers she pinched the bridge of her nose as she slowly opened her eyes. Lareli smiled at as she began breathing evenly. They were sitting in her room mostly in the dark, with what little light there was she saw that Julian was leaning against the wall. She coughed as she was pulled to sit up her body felt heavy..detached even.

“....Wh..at...” she trailed off.

“Relax, don't try and speak you'll recover soon.”

She made a sort of sigh resting against Lareli as she stroked her hair, she smiled to herself absently Nadia was still worked up, to be understood considering she nearly died. Julian watched as her fingers twitched, slowly she attempted to move. She looked over and waved him over to check her over he pushed the blanket up slightly mindful of raising it too high as he examined her smooth leg. He rested his hand on her ankle grabbing her foot.

“Just nod if you can feel this.”

The nod was weak but she moved well enough, he moved up her leg until he shifted back to the other.

“We almost lost you, if you remember what happened you collapsed because of a curse attempting to kill you.”

Nadia swallowed thickly as she followed Julian's instructions to move her legs, though it felt as though she was trying to kick her legs through pudding.

“I got a memory back to put worries to rest...I found before that this happens when you're kept too far away from me for too long, which had been longer last time. I don't know who is responsible for the curse yet..what information I have on it says that it is most powerful for those that know you. Family long lasting friends...anyone that has been close to you for years. It's not so easy for it to stick from stranger to stranger.”

Nadia shivered pushing up on the blanket a bit as Lareli tried to help her sit up without supporting her, not that Nadia wanted her to let go.

“The stiffness you feel is from..the paralysis that sets in. I was almost too late, it won't last long so long as I'm with you after that we'll see how well I can be separated I'm sure I can find some way to free you.”

She spoke slowly as she took her hand to give her the curse, she chewed on her lip, looking over the fading words. She shook her head, her throat was still a bit tight but it was much easier to deal with.

“Then...this is...what Ica saw...” she said trailing off as her gaze fell on the loopholes if she had seen her daily she would have been fine, just before too long a physical connection was needed.

“It appears so, I saw her in the distance as the memory faded but I don't know if that's the exact time she saw us...or if she was with you when you were doing better.”

“.....Good...I remember wishing...I could see you again..I would have been embarrassed...otherwise.”

Lareli smiled as she pushed her back against the pillows, her thoughts were spinning a bit...before she could speak anymore Lucio opened the door with Portia behind him. Nadia smiled slightly she hoped that Lareli wouldn't run off again, she knew not to now but that was a time limit if she had an idea of what she could study to help she'd have to go. Absently taking her hand she tried to hold herself up as she would any other time it was such a pain being like this though she knew she couldn't change it no matter what pride she felt.  
….

Nadia was relieved to loosen up more as they waited for dinner, they had too many things to discuss it was better to grab an extra set of chairs and work it out in the safety of her room. Away from those that were best left out of it. She sighed sipping the chilled water in front of her as Julian told them what had changed with Samu and several others. It wasn't as though they just walked through town and everyone knew Lareli, there were some that only waved to be friendly and those that couldn't be bothered with anyone around them but there were still many who wished to greet her.

Not to mention introduce her to friends of their own, it was easy for them as if it was no big issue to erase her from their memories. They may like her but that was the end of the relationship with nothing more to go on they were stuck. Granted it had been peaceful.

Lareli rubbed her head as she felt a touch of pressure here and there before it stopped.

“While you were out...did you notice anything odd, Nadia?”

“No...well not in the way you remember things, it was as if I already knew what I saw.”

“Like me?” Portia asked reminding her of their last conversation.

With a nod from her Julian nudged her as she explained how it happened, from nothing to as if nothing happened in the first place. Almost confusing until she specified how she didn't think she forgot anything and then it seemed everything was normal. Lots of people knew Lareli and she was a trustworthy person lots of people liked her.

“Well, I find it all amusing hardly worth the frustration it seems you need very little push to get to your next...recovery point it's best to relax and wait here and there.”

Julian sighed as Lucio smirked.

“You might be right on one part but there is nothing funny about this.”

“Yes, there is, both yourself and Nadia as I know you happen to be emotionally constipated if anyone knew that it would be easy to take advantage and make sure you were in the dark where it counted. You can't say for sure how long you've known Lareli if you would have told her anything that would have interfered wouldn't it have?”

Portia cocked her head, wondering if he was on to something, though swallowed a laugh seeing the dirty looks they shot him. Though it was certainly true Julian fumed a bit the only thought on his mind was if Lucio could be right or if he was struggling now because he wouldn't have wanted to bother Lareli. Nadia rubbed her hands together absently Lucio knew them well enough Lareli offered a reassuring smile to them as she shook her head.

“...That is something to consider... it could be easier to return to normal than it's felt who knows how long I was gone beforehand. I could have been here the entire time for all we know, I can't even be sure which order some memories go in. It seemed something in my relationship with Nadia changed between the first time she was almost lost and when she visited my shop.”

Nadia wondered what that change was.  
….

Julian sighed as he moved to adjust his cloak as he thought She certainly hadn't made a negative name for herself here.

Still, Lareli only grew more concerned wondering about how many the touch of amnesia could have effected. the nice weather slowly faded. Another heavy blizzard had come in and the servants were hurrying to warm the palace where it was occupied. Nadia and Lucio could afford to heat every nook and cranny of the palace sure. However, they were sending out coal or wood where they could to make sure everyone was warm tonight.

No reason to be wasteful, he wasn't looking forward to walking through the snow but it would give him time to think while Lareli was staying here tonight. He sighed with his arm against the wall his forehead was against that. It had been hard to see Nadia like that and out of his ability to help, with Lareli down it only made it worse. So Ica was wrong on one end but that only answered so much.

While she used her bathing room to freshen up Julian watched over her he wasn't sure how he felt about the whole thing. It hadn't been entirely like working with a friend, he wasn't jealous of Nadia per say, he just wanted more to the blanks in his memory. He wanted to be alone with Lareli and yet he dreaded it, Nadia was the more important of the two she had more value to the sound as he saw it. He straightened up suddenly as she touched his back.

“You're not planning on going out in that are you?”

He smirked, much easier to hide behind one it was an easy act he was always fine.

“The cold doesn't really bother me.”

“Come up to bed.”

He blushed before looking down chewing on his lip.

“You should say that again and hear how it sounds,” he said softly.

Lareli smiled.

“I don't want you to go back to the clinic alone, we hadn't restocked the firewood yet, Nadia wants you to stay anyhow.”

“And you?”

“That should be obvious...things will probably be quiet tonight but who knows, perhaps the morning after will be easier this time.”

He shook his head absently, though he knew she was right he could have easily just continued on in the dark comfortable with what he had. Eventually giving up on the idea that anything more would come back to either of them.

“Fine but what should we do, sit and circle and hope for the best?”

“It's a start,” Nadia said from the stairs she tugged her robe close though she'd much prefer to be under the blankets on her bed.

She nodded down the hall she had something to say but with the halls still alive with servants she'd prefer to keep her more relaxed mood where it belonged. Hidden from those she needed in the distance and free with those that were closest to her. Julian kept his cloak on but followed the pair.

Might as well.  
...

Alone in her room, she moved to make sure the windows were locked, Julian didn't feel nearly as out of place as he did waiting for her to wake up to see if he could really help or if Lareli was just trying to reassure him. He sighed heavily.

“What's the matter?”

“Nothing, just....”

_'Count yourself lucky Julian...no matter how impossible you get you still get to go to bed between us.'_

He blushed darkly looking away from her Lareli cocked her head.

“See something?” she asked a grin forming on her face.

“More like hear..”

“Which was...?”

“I don't know...I just think I may have been here as more than just a guest or doctor before.”

Nadia's face reddened slightly as her head throbbed a bit, though the pain faded as quickly as it came.

“You know, I think Lucio is right on your hang-ups, I feel your emotions fine though.”

They turned to look at her.

“You what..?” they started in unison.

Lareli yawned feeling a bit drained, nearly out of nowhere.

“I could be using a spell right now, even with amnesia if I cast one before all of this it would need tobe stopped by my hand. A constant spell is one that sticks like the 'lock' in my shop. It would have remained closed if I never went back. You want to fight your mood while you don't know what makes what but this way we will get nowhere, if we're going to sleep then enough is enough.” she spoke firmly almost unfitting of her, though they went silent as they nodded.

If anything it was one of the oddest things of tonight she shook her head, one thought in her mind.

_'Now don't let them make themselves crazy, take charge.'_

They seemed to need that.  
…..


	10. A kiss to remember

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know about this one really, though that's always the case with amnesia playing a larger part having to pick and choose what comes back and what doesn't. Fair warning the little 'scene' is horrible always is with me ha...working on it.

…....

_'Nadia...wake up I have to go...'_

Nadia opened her eyes suddenly looking across to see that Lareli was still asleep there was something odd yet normal about the whole thing. Amnesia was a strange thing without her she wouldn't have considered sharing a bed with Julian but once she was back with a little time it was like it had always been that way.

As it was....it felt strange that she was still here and hadn't decided to leave, turned his head though with both of them somewhat on his chest he wasn't moving very far. She moved to sit up slowly there was a bit of light peeking through the curtain sliding out of bed she walked toward the window and sighed the snow seemed to have slowed but it hadn't yet started to warm up it was pleasantly warm and she knew with a word from Portia when the deliveries were finished so everyone else had heat as well.

It was somewhat peaceful, she turned her head stiffening as she felt a hand on her back, relaxing as she saw Lareli she sighed.

“Sneaking up on me..?”

“Well you didn't look over when I got out of bed, are you feeling okay?” she said crossing her arms though Nadia missed the contact.

“Sort of...I thought you said you had to leave.”

“Memory talk then?” Lareli started looking over as Julian shifted on his side, he was breathing though silent she absently pulled the blanket further up his shoulder.

Nadia watched her, it was such a little action but tender anyhow.

“It would seem...why does this feel so normal?”

“I can only assume either you went crazy or we made it normal,” she said simply.

“I know that but I just...I suppose Lucio is right even though I know I'm missing a few things the idea that this was part of my life is strange. Sometimes I even keep Portia at arm's length, she's been here for years..maybe more than I know how I got past it with you I don't know.”

She shifted a bit her thoughts racing without an end.

“Maybe you allowed yourself to be lead for once.”

Nadia shifted as felt a shiver up her spine, there was something in those words that felt true.

“Wait...there was something else when I was sleeping it's coming back.”

“What's that...?” Lareli asked.

She eyed Nadia as she paced trying to piece what she could together.

“That room..the one you were in when you first got here, that was your room I said you could have it so any time you visited I could see you there,” she explained.

Lareli tapped her chin.

“I was curious about the dresser in there maybe I'll go through you should stay here in case Julian wakes up.”

She remembered he didn't like to wake up alone, she glanced at him even in his sleep he didn't look entirely at peace still just as pretty as Nadia was. She wasn't so sure he'd take that as a compliment but she couldn't help how she saw him. She slipped out leaving Nadia just as her mind seemed to check out.

….

_Nadia was by the window in her room though I slipped behind her and bumped my hip against hers she jumped as I laughed. I always warned her to watch her back though I could always sneak up on her. She bit her lip as she tugged at a strand of free hair. I moved to drop on her bed crossing my legs as she came to sit next to me._

_“I didn't know you were coming...”_

_“Thought I would check in, where is Portia? We were supposed to meet earlier.” she tried to fix her expression but I'd seen her pout all the same. Not sure why but she always got a little touchy when I was with Portia._

_“She's out visiting family as she said it was an emergency, she's always so vague.”_

_“Or you tuned her out.”_

_“I don't do that,” she muttered._

_“Yes you do, you always get so uptight around others, your sisters don't rule over you anymore it's okay to let people in.”_

_She shook her head as I sat up to meet her gaze._

_“The only one doubting your worth that truly matters is you.”_

_I noticed the touch of red to her face as she sighed heavily._

_“I don't know about that...what did you have planned with Portia?”_

_“She said she wanted to talk to me and that it was really important then she didn't show up though since something more important turned up I'll let it go for now. If she needs help I'll go get her myself.”_

_“She's fine, why are you so worried about her?” she asked with a raise of her eyebrow._

_“She's my friend.”_

_“Your girlfriend?”_

_I laughed._

_“You know...you can have a preference without wanting to hop in bed with everyone that fits it.”_

_“Of course...I just....”_

_I pushed her against the pillows it had been easier to catch her by surprise than I thought it would be I kissed her before she could say anything more. I can freely admit it wasn't always clear that she was interested in me the way she acted. I knew she had issues letting go I didn't hold it against her though it was hard sometimes. She always looked so frustrated and conflicted afraid to live outside of her own shadow._

_Some may say it's not my place to do the work then though when nerves on moving forward stop you from living beyond your basic needs it's fair to say one needs a little help. Even now I felt her struggling with her self she moved her legs as if she wanted to cross them over me grinding ever so slightly. She'd already worked her fingers into my hair and allowed me access her to her mouth I'll be damned if she wasn't trying to keep quiet. I kept my hands near her waist, but the way she moved I was sure then she wanted me to move them._

_I thought it would help her to be honest with herself I wasn't going to take advantage of her confusion I suppose one could call it. She's not used to being the one to give in. I pulled back she wouldn't look me in the eyes though now her legs were tight in place and her grip fell on my arms I smirked._

_“You're cute when you're jealous.”_

_She huffed, curling her lip almost._

_“I'm not jealous...” her expression shifting again._

_“Yes you are, I know Portia is safe at home I took her, but I knew if I came looking for her you'd act like this.”_

_She glared at me then._

_“You...tricked me you jerk get off of me.”_

_“I could if you'd release me from your thighs_ ,I _do have work to do but they are awfully nice.”_

_She hit me with one of her smaller throw pillows face reddened, but still didn't move an inch. She only_ sit _up a bit to slide her arms back in place around my neck. She was so impossible, couldn't even ask me not to go._

_Perhaps it was charming..for her anyways._  
…..

Lareli shook her head for once there wasn't much pain just a shiver it had been light but far too vivid she felt she kissed her again. She looked around she made it to the room and was sitting on the ground in front of the dresser. It was a bit chilled though she was feeling slightly heated all the same she looked down seeing she attempted to open the last one she pulled it open and saw a mix of cloth, various scraps she pushed them aside and noticed the bottom shook a bit. Pulling the scraps and false bottom out she stared at the little boxes that were inside.

One was a jewelry box with a mix of gemstones, bracelets and rings were neatly arranged with necklaces they paired with. Silvery or gold chains with simple stones or a specific metal cut one with a flower in the center. the script was hard to see against the velvet, the gold stood out if looked at just right.

-Happy birthday, Lareli I left this for you since you never let me spoil you directly.

She closed the box seeing it was from Nadia, she wondered with that memory when she might have wanted to shower her with pieces like these. to give her anything like this to her face. She grabbed another one, a blue one with silvery vines etched in she smiled seeing it was a notebook with sketches for various dresses clearly from the loose drawing she was working on something to replace the dress she originally made for Nadia. The last a brown one, opening it she found a mix of letters. She remembered her state when she was first near it...she wondered if it was charmed or something of the sort.

All the letters were the same from Nadia as if she just didn't send them...unless she left them here for Lareli to get and she never had. She sighed unsure if she should just go through them.

Faust stuck her head out and slid into the pile of scraps happily waving Lareli smiled patting her head.

'Read!'

“I don't....”

_'Friend scared!'_

Lareli cocked her head Faust almost spun around on the silky remains.

“Nadia was scared to talk to me?”

She stopped and gave a nod.

“Just because she has a hard time expressing herself...? Or did I do something wrong?”

_'Hard!'_

“Faust you should have told me about this.”

She hissed at her.

_'You learn!'_

Sliding back into the drawer disappearing in the dark Lareli rubbed the bottom but she was gone, that was one way to tell her to figure it out on her own. She sighed and slid everything back in place except for the letters. Moving to stand her thoughts wandered a bit. In all this left over she wondered where Julian came in she blushed as the memory slid back into her mind she didn't feel half as confident as her memories made her feel. Though she realized she didn't have to touch her journal just keep it with her.

It could just be because she wasn't trying to figure it out completely on her own, she glanced at the bed thinking how many times she might have made use of that bed while here.

“Ugh so not the time.” not that her thoughts could care what she...well thought about that.  
…..


	11. Of letters and frustration

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah I don't know about this one..I think it's okay but let my mind wander again.

…...

 

Lareli pushed the door open there was a bit of tension in the air already, she watched Julian pace she felt a shiver up her spine as she walked over to give Nadia the box of letters. Her mind shifted a bit and she looked down, though that wasn't the best choice considering the light nightwear she kept she didn't like the idea of taking advantage in the confusion. She guessed she would have to talk to her about it later.

“Here, I'm not sure if you...wanted me to see these or not so I'll let you look through them first...Julian?”

He stopped and glanced at her with a smirk, as usual, even he felt it was weaker than it should have been.

“Hmm? Remember something?”

“Maybe, more importantly though are you alright?”

He nodded crossing his arms, shifting from foot to foot.

“Of course I'm fine.”

“No bad dreams then?”

He tensed though the smirk returned as quickly as it faded as she walked over to stand in front of him, she absently took his hand. He didn't say anything but he didn't have to as she felt the squeeze. She knew, but without the pain, it must have been something that she was well aware of. She was sure, for a moment as it was.

“You can tell...?”

“It's your eyes, you never really look at me when you're like this nothing to be ashamed of sometimes people have nightmares.”

Julian wasn't so sure, that it was nothing to be ashamed of he couldn't even remember what had gotten to him just the emotion tied to it. It didn't go unnoticed that her smile eased his mind, he wasn't sure he could handle the truth behind their relationship when such a slight action affected him as much as it did now.

Nadia had a feeling she was intruding on something just sitting there as she watched them there was an ease there she didn't think she had with Lareli. It was the oddest feeling, even more so as there wasn't a touch of jealousy. She went through the box of letters, he hadn't even spoken to her and she wouldn't push he had seemed a little frantic. When she had nightmares the last thing she wanted was a heart to heart on the issue.

She pulled out one only her name and Lareli's was on it, sliding the sheet out she looked over the words gaze shifting to the pair.

“See something important, Nadia?” Lareli asked.

She shook her head.

“Not really...I mean it wasn't finished I think it was an invitation.”

“Maybe you were mad at me,” she suggested.

Nadia couldn't help but doubt that as she pulled out another one.

“And the next?”

“I asked you to respond to me, you'd been ignoring me but it doesn't seem as though I knew why,” she said switching to a third letter

Lareli frowned.

“And what else?”

“Nothing here.”

“Well...I was gone for a couple months remember, perhaps I was under attack..this is too much this early.”

Nadia stood up moving to grab one of her thicker robes, while she rarely left her room without being properly dressed, however, she had to leave the room. Already standing tall in her usual Countess mode she smiled slightly.

“I think I need more time to look over these, in my study why don't you two get ready for breakfast?”

She moved to leave without another word closing the door behind her, as Lareli frowned Julian nudged her.

“Why did that seem so...fake?”

“She's upset, she lied.”

He raised an eyebrow.

“About what?”

“She saw something in one of those letters that bothered her it seems she needs a moment alone...I guess I did have to make my own move. I'll give her space for a bit.”

“Make a move? What exactly did that entail?” he paused for a moment, a dark blush covering his cheeks as he heard how that came out.

“I..mean.”

She laughed and shook her head.

“It's okay but I better not tell you before I talk to Nadia about it, though what I've remembered about you is much tamer.” she started.

“ _I_ wanted something tame?”

She bit her lip as she grinned.

“I just meant the nightmares...your mind is already so far gone I'm surprised.”

He only made a face refusing to comment, he felt a little frustrated though on the more pleasant side of it he couldn't help where his thoughts were. Still, he was already unsure of what to do with himself he hoped they wouldn't be snowed in long he much preferred clean clothes after he bathed.

“Can you take us to the clinic?” he asked suddenly.

“I think so, but I don't think you'll be getting any patients today.”

“I know.”

She wasn't sure she had the strength for that but as she stepped next to him and grabbed his hand she figured it was worth a shot.  
…..

  
Portia sighed to herself as she moved to let herself in Lucio's room, she'd been told that he was in a bad mood today and wanted to be alone. Though they still had to make sure he ate, a little irritation got so much worse when he was tired or hungry. Much like a spoiled child that was forgiven for not knowing any better, except he was no child and his bad moods were not minor tantrums but something to fear for anyone who crossed him.

He was still in bed and she wondered if he had dozed off again and moved to set the tray down on his nightstand as she let go he grabbed her wrist and yanked her down on the bed with him. She shook her legs a bit as he grumbled.

“Stop that...” he muttered against her neck.

“Mi'lord please...let me go.”

“No.”

She rolled her eyes though kicking was all she could do as he easily had her pinned between himself and the bed.

“I need to get to work.”

“Is it really so hard to just speak to me?” he snapped.

She stared hard at him.

“Couldn't you ask me to talk to you without dragging me down?”

“I can do it however I want.”

She sighed heavily.

“What's troubling you?”

He pushed himself up and stared down at her, a dark look on his face.

“Nothing is, who said I was troubled??” he hissed.

“N..no one.”

“Don't lie to me.”

She shook her head he wasn't hurting her yet but he his grip was getting tired she worried about sending him toward the elderly maid that had been afraid to come back. He might really hurt her. He grit his teeth shifting to crush his lips against hers. Eyes wide she swallowed the gasp sitting her throat not sure what brought this on, he pulled away gaze, distant.

“Don't make that face either.”

She bit her lip.

“Mi'lord...”

“And stop calling me that I've heard you call Nadia by name yet you don't with me.”

She cocked her head wondering if he was just agitated or if he was really jealous.

“Well, I...she's my fri...”

He frowned and silenced her again, the kiss softer this time, though he took control, all the same, he directed her tongue with his. He was good at what he did she could say that much, he slid his arms around her waist them so they were on their side, a tangled mess.

“Friend? So you don't see me as one,” he muttered listening to her heavy breathing, as he only pulled away just enough to speak.

“I do...”

“Let's not attempt to reason with me as if I'm just a child dammit, I'm very different in your eyes when compared to Nadia, aren't I?” he said, his voice heavy.

“Yes...though that's good isn't it? She's never made a pass at me,” she said eyeing him.

The frown slowly melted into more of a smirk.

“I suppose from that point it's good, I guess I don't really need to speak to you at all.”

“I can tell.”

He released her but he didn't let her go, not that she was trying to get away anymore.  
…...


	12. Something of a dream

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay now we're getting to the more mature content I wasn't sure how I was going to do this but I guess I'll have to change the rating....also yes my scenes are terrible but I'm trying.

…....

  
Not even an hour after they left it started to heat up melting away the snow as if it hadn't been there at all, what reports they had from mages that had been sent letters on the matter. It was unusual and with access mostly to apprentices or those long since separated from their families it was all back and forth on what could be done. Nadia had sent Portia to deliver the books she had forgotten about in all the commotion she felt more than a little disappointed to hear they were gone already but at the same time it gave her a chance to attempt to focus.

She rubbed her temples as she looked over the same letter over and over, she didn't completely lie. Lareli had been ignoring her, beyond that Nadia only asked if it was because of Julian..if she cared about him more.

It was more the feeling without a memory tied to it that got to her.

She was used to jealousy, whether it was warranted or not.

This felt different, as though she believed without a doubt that that was the case and she wasn't okay with it when she was alone. She shook her head, on one hand, she knew that the stronger feelings must come from some closeness. On the other she couldn't be entirely sure what sort of person Lareli could have been, part of her just wanted to keep her guard up even with that little voice in her head telling her that she had nothing to fear by accepting her feelings. No, she could accept the frustration but she had to know everything she could just live with what she had.

Still it hurt, a thought she'd forced on herself, she grit her teeth in annoyance and pushed away from her desk and looked around the plain room, she kept a few things locked in her study there wasn't that much since she had a library it was a place that no one bothered her in. Sure she was open for emergencies though normally she wouldn't have to worry about that.

She rubbed her hands together nervously only looking up when things changed.

Hearing the knock she considered ignoring it until Lucio let himself in she sighed heavily.

“What is it Lucio?” she asked her expression strange, not that he focused on her that much they were friends just not particularly close.

“Vlastomil wants to talk, he might know something about the weather that we don't. I figured you would want to go see if he's crazy or on to something.”

“You could go without me couldn't you?”

“I heard from one of the maids that your sisters are on their way, they'll wait for you but at least you can deal with them later.”

That was the last thing needed especially when she felt as confused as she did.

“Right...here I come.”

“That's what I thought, I'll be outside in the carriage.”  
…...

_“Julian, how about we play a little game..?...No don't speak if you know what you want just sit down.”_

_He didn't really need more of an explanation than that with the light slip I wore, transparent and fairly short he knew exactly what 'game' I wanted to play._

_He blushed then he always seemed so...pretty to me to say the least. He always cocked his head a bit trying to hide part of his face I tapped his chin as I straddled his waist and made him look at me. I brushed his hair out of the way he was always so self-conscious about his eye, it was a fake eye with a slim scar down the middle. He had been hurt trying to protect me while I was unable to defend myself. I didn't find the damage ugly it was a reminder he'd do anything for me._

_Granted I preferred he didn't get between myself and anything more serious I was just relieved when he survived that attack. With_ limitations _, I used what he taught me...Mr. Child prodigy. With what spells I could use for healing to reconstruct the part of his face that took the most damage. He wouldn't have a scar_ _at all if I was more advanced but it could have been a lot worse._

_I took that as a victory at that moment the most joy I'd felt was seeing that while I struggled he was truly going to be alright. I kissed the cheek under the scar I didn't mind reminding him that he had no reason to hide with me._

_I yanked his shirt down he always left it just open enough with a twirl of my finger he was constricted as he liked I grabbed his hair pulling his head back to kiss him. I knew what he got off on sure but these little games never went too far. I didn't want to hurt him especially since he could go fairly long without asking me to stop. With him begging meant something a little different, aroused or not when enough was really enough he'd say so, still, he seemed to get off on denial too perhaps it was for the best anyways._

_Near the desk next to the fireplace we didn't need as many candles, he shifted under me as the kiss was deepened I felt him hardening he had changed into his cloth pants for the night. Even when I didn't let him cum right away I took it as a compliment feeling how he reacted to me. He grunted as I gave one small buck, I only had a slip_ _on there was very little between us even when he preferred to be in the nude. Maybe it was strange but I liked the half-dressed look._

_I moved from his lips with a nip and nibbled my way down, for this I let his moans decide if I bit harder or not. He seemed to take some pride in the love bites I normally left._

_Sliding off of him I moved to reach_ in _the drawer to pull out what looked like a simple clip to hold letters in. It was a toy I had made charged with magic it clipped to the nipple but I had several new ones he didn't know about. I gave him a look he knew not to say a word without a comment for me._

 _He wasn't unable to speak out on his desires though when he was a little unsure he was fairly cute I attached the padded clip and gave it one stroke with my finger he clenched his teeth it made one respond as if they were being stimulated between their legs at_ _their worst weak spots. When I actually touched him it amplified it. I once asked him to help me test it without saying what it was for just to see that look of surprise on his face. I gave the clip another stroke turning up the intensity. He let his head fall back again he was firmly held, I didn't always use magic for that, he liked actual ropes though being unable to move would have to do._

_I trailed a finger down his stomach to his growing erection._

_With the lighter stuff, I would say it turned me on too, it was more than enjoyment watching him let himself go. I gave a few light strokes to his cock and reached to flick the toy a few more times he cried out I did allow him to rock a little bit._

_“I'm not sure if you've missed my little toys or if you're all pent up it hasn't been that long since I last saw you right?” I paused as he grit his teeth and grinned._

_“You can answer me I won't stop...this time.”_

_He sighed, letting another moan out._

_“It's been...a month...”_

_“Oh that's right, well I hope you can still be good for me tonight.”_

_“...I'll try.”_

_“Excellent.”_

_I only pulled his pants down a bit letting his cock free I circled the wet slit with my finger_ _, precum started to dribble I suppose it was somewhat cruel after a month to use certain things on him. Though for this, I knew he liked it and it wouldn't harm him._

_“Remember..if you want me to stop say so.”_

_“....Don't stop for the love of everything_.. _I beg you not to..” he said with a shudder, he was a treat when he really wanted something._

_I restrict him from moving at all, many of these weaker but effective spells weren't made for this but in the old days when we all lived together and had very large families, it became important to have several spells to help with chores and such. With the elders able to restrict those when they were being punished and had to clean by hand. Which could be heavy in a house of forty-five, extended or otherwise._

_These might have been used to tie off laundry bags or bundles of wheat, ropes for ladders, I knew it felt tight but not nearly as tight as an actual rope might feel. Still, it wasn't draining and got the job done I didn't think when I started studying that I'd use any of this when I was going to travel. It works out._

_I gave his head a lick looking up to watch his face it was the most he was allowed to react, I wasn't sure if I could stop him from cumming with magic or not. However, I wouldn't want to that wasn't nearly as fun._

_I listened to his throaty groans and murmurs of my name as took in as much as I could reaching to massage his sac just a bit I had a feeling he wouldn't last much longer. Literally, in fact, the spell was a little strong in some cases the one that helped me read his emotions when he shut me out, he was stubborn like that. When it came to sex it wasn't just an idea because I cared about him I could feel his rising pleasure I would need a bit more to actually get off I just liked to know from all angles how much he liked what I did to him._

_With somewhat of a strangled cry I soon had to swallow ribbon after ribbon of cum, not sure if he refrained from masturbating or not but either way it was the last benefit of his favorite toy. I pulled back as he attempted to catch his breath, he was a sexy vision red, sweaty_ , _with an expression that he was sated while I knew all too well just how much he could take in a night I flicked off the_ _toy and removed it._

_“You'll be able to move when I leave, see you in a couple weeks.” I gave his lips a peck and moved to leave only the sound of feminine gasp stopping me._

_I smirked._

_“Oh hi Portia, how are you, sweetie?”_  
…..

Lareli shook her head as Portia ran out of the room giggling, she blinked rubbing her head as she looked behind her she jumped as she went after her. There in all his glory Julian sat just as he had been in her....'memory'. Like she said, he was freed from the restriction not that he wanted to. Having moved one of his old desks into the clinic he'd just been working when she came dressed as she was offering a little..play time, to say the least, he would have done anything she wanted he looked down face still scarlet it felt amazing alright giving way to what he remembered from the supposed one night stand.

Though he already needed more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See I tried..also I want it to be clear it wasn't rape non-con ,so no need to warn about that I know it sounds odd still.


	13. A slice of awkward

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah....

…..

Lareli crossed her arms glaring at Portia as she laughed, realizing what she was wearing only agitated her more. She shook her head, the clinic was a little dim but it wasn't that late unlike in her...she didn't know what to call it. Portia tried to calm herself though seeing how her friend looked at her only made her giggle more.

“If you're done...” Lareli muttered, mostly embarrassed.

She had an inkling that they had forgotten to lock up once before.

“I...I'm sorry I just...I knocked and you didn't answer hiding in the back there..” it wasn't just an open room there was a curtain for privacy.

Most didn't need it, he didn't normally have to make them disrobe for light checkups though he never thought that it would be useless where it mattered. Julian could barely hear them talking as he adjusted his clothes. Part of him wanted to head up to his room and hide until Portia left to get his thoughts together but he knew if he didn't let her get her jabs out now his dear sister would have something to tease him about every time he spoke to her.

“You could have at least called his name...I was out of it..”

“I could see that, okay you know the way you were angled I didn't see much of anything it was just obvious you weren't just bandaging him up or something,” Portia said hands on her hips.

“I mean...I thought it was just a memory and your sudden arrival did not help.”

“Next time I swear...I'll scream bloody murder before I come in, though that's funny if that triggered something for you it says you were very close to Ilya.” she wondered if they had the relationship and truly Nadia was out of place.

She still wasn't one to judge but though she teased and laughed it was clear something more than lust was there.

Lareli smiled slightly, she hoped there wouldn't be a next time she blushed slightly thinking of it. Her mind changing immediately if it did happen again she would prefer she was aware of what she was doing. The image of him on the edge of wanting to beg for more was burned into her brain and she wouldn't mind seeing it again.

“Anyways...your brother should be redressed soon he'll be out in a minute.”

“Actually I'm here for you...in all the commotion I forgot to give you these old books that the Countess had them. They are old magic texts,” she explained just waiting for her brother to come out of hiding.

Lareli walked over to examine the books she took out of her bag she felt a bit of a shiver touching the dusty covers. They were mostly faded and brown but there was something coming from them. She didn't think she had looked through them before....or if she had they were beyond what she knew. Portia's grin widened as her brother walked into the room.

“It's not funny Pasha..”

“Oh I'm Pasha again am I Ilya?” he rarely if ever used Portia but it had slipped out in the past she liked to tease him...just because they were siblings not because it really mattered.

He sighed, glancing at Lareli thinking if that was the norm for them, considering how it felt he wondered if it was before or after Nadia came into the picture. He didn't want to assume anything but for a moment he felt as though he would have been under both. He sighed trying to reign his thoughts in the time to ponder such things was later not now.

Especially with his sister present.

“I was just about to close up I didn't think anyone would be coming....”

“I had a delivery...I'll just, leave you two....to you two.” she snickered as Lareli waved her out, probably redder than Julian was.

“It was sudden okay we didn't plan anything,” he called after her as she moved to leave, she loved her brother Lareli would always be a good friend but she was sure she had seen more than enough of them both then.

Still....it was funny all the same.

Julian blushed as he moved to lock the door behind her.

“Julian I'm sorry about that.”

He shifted to walk toward her until she was stuck between him and the wall, red or not for once he still kept that look of his. His arm above her head bent just slightly she was mostly hidden, though the windows were covered this time someone would have to call to get in. She

“Never apologize for what you do to me...I'll always stop you when I have to.”

She felt a shiver up her spine as she smirked.

“Don't be so loose with yourself Julian makes you much easier to tease.”

Had anyone else said that he couldn't have forgotten they were just interrupted as easily as he had then, he lowered his head to meet hers. As he kissed her his mind wandered again.

_'The games are always fun Julian, but you shouldn't be afraid to show me affection freely.'_

He lowered his hands as the light memory slid around his mind, holding her tighter he felt a familiar comfort in just taking what she offered. He wasn't sure if he felt horrible, being unsure about Nadia's place, or not...because Nadia could see her later. In some ways, it would be easier if he felt nothing, just because it felt as good as it did, didn't mean it was right.

His confusion didn't make it wrong either, he could argue with his body until he was blue in the face and get nowhere or he could take what he thought he should and deal with the consequences later.

For a moment he didn't think there were any to wait for.  
…..

Later that evening Nadia was absently staring at her wine ignoring Nasmira as she chatted about her ride over. Portia had returned and met her in the hall to let her know that her sisters got back from shopping and intended to sleep over. She also mentioned that she had interrupted more than she intended she kept it vague. For her it wasn't a matter of being malicious she was in the same boat as they were and unable to place Nadia. Part of her hoped mentioning it would trigger a thought for her as well.

She felt a bit jealous though it was an odd twist again, she wanted to be with them too.

“Nadi?”

She glanced over she still sat tall with a mostly blank, yet guarded expression a Countess contemplating, as it seemed.

“Yes?”

“You seem distracted, what's on your mind?” Nasmira asked.

“I'm just thinking of some friends....” she paused, irritation setting in.

Just as she mentioned it without thinking like she planned on it.

“Oh! You have friends I would never have guessed.” Nasmira said with a wide grin.

They both knew what she meant, considering the way Nadia kept most people but it still sounded as more of an insult than a general comment, she remained calm though she sighed.

“I do know how to relax dear sister, they should be done working by now but it's a little late for me to visit,” she said simply.

She clapped her hands together as Navra returned from the bathing room seeing her sister bouncing a bit from excitement she smiled and moved to join them again more quickly. She looked over missing the rising irritation a little more plainly on Nadia's face.

“Nav you won't believe it we're going to meet Nadi's personal friends tomorrow.”

“She has personal friends? Outside of the court officials?”

Nadia frowned for a moment before she collected herself.

“I don't recall....”

“That's wonderful, I know you're busy but all this business simply must stop at some point we want to visit you and relax too sometimes.” Navra said excitedly with Nasmira's nod.

She shook her head as they chatted tuning her out it seem aggravated she cleared her throat.

“They...own the local clinic I wouldn't just drop in.”

“Oh nonsense we'll do it later so we don't get in the way, it'll be fun we should make something to bring them, maybe cakes?” Nasmira offered.

“And some spiced rum, I understand that a clinic is very valuable to Vesuvia with the accidents that happen surely they are over worked some days. How nice of you to invite us.” Navra said.

Nadia only nodded, it was hopeless for the air she held about her as a proud Countess and her normal ways there was still a time when she was the same little girl she'd always been. This wouldn't have been one of those times if her sisters weren't here.

At least she'd have an excuse to drop in she guessed that was a silver lining she wished Portia had just told her what she saw so she didn't have to guess. She frowned, on second thought she wasn't sure she wanted the details.  
….


	14. Special day....maybe?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay this chapter was such a pain it got four rewrites, in the end I settled on this.

…....

  
Nadia remained quiet as she got out of the carriage later the following evening she didn't want to wait too long but she wasn't going to go too early, either way, she didn't want to be a bother. It was more than a little strange she felt her confidence burst a bit wanting to be there but wondering if she should. She watched her sisters as they stepped out before going to knock on the door. Portia saw that they weren't in the clinic this time and moved to open the door calling for her brother.

“Do you always call for him when you come?” Nasmira asked, only because she would drop in on Nadia whether she wanted it or not.

“I do now.” Portia said with a knowing smile.

When he didn't answer she grabbed the spare key and unlocked the back door to head to the main house, in the small window on the side Nadia could just barely seeing Julian in the doorway to the kitchen she saw what she assumed were Lareli's arms going around his waist. She blushed, not from any sort of shyness she felt that stifling feeling of being out of place.

“Maybe we...” though her muttering couldn't stop Portia.

“Ilya! Hope you're decent!” she called.

In a moment he was coming to open the door, he smiled stepping out of the way taking a hug from his sister as she walked past, he welcomed Nadia and her sisters in. She noticed the heated blush on his face knowing they must have interrupted something more than it appeared. He surprised her though with a kiss to the cheek still looking off to the side as he attempted to collect himself. Her sisters eyed them as they were lead to the couch with the door closed behind him.

“I needed to talk to you we were planning on stopping by later, I had that book of yours I wanted to return come and get it will you?”

As they walked into the kitchen Lareli moved to hug her Nasmira smiled though Nadia was trying to hide the red in her face as she hugged her back.

“Hi Nadi guess we didn't have to come to you.”

“My seeing you so freely accept affection is shocking... I guess they are your friends, when did you get so close to our sister Doctor Jules?”

Nadia rolled her eyes as Julian shrugged saying it just happened as Lareli released her.

“Who are you?” Lareli asked she remembered she had sisters just she couldn't be sure as her head felt now when or if she saw them in person. She was sure she had remembered them before but now she was confused.

Navra laughed.

“Oh no the fact that she doesn't talk about us to her says they're friends, we're her sisters, Navra and Nasmira and you?” she said pointing between them.

“I'm Lareli...the doctor got stuck with me then we pulled in Nadia,” she said going to hug Portia in greeting as well, though even Nadia saw a distinct difference between the friendly exchange and the warm squeeze she just felt.

She followed Julian upstairs leaving Lareli to entertain them.

“Well...?”

“Actually it's about our memories or lack of rather.”

“Seems things have changed already since we last spoke.”

“Well a little bit, somewhat we're just sort of remembering what was normal,” he said leaning against the wall.

She glanced at his bed absently.

“Anything to do with the bedroom?”

“Not technically.”

“What's that supposed to mean...”

“We were always at ease together...and it stopped being 'just friendly' a while ago..I just can't remember the exact dates just a bit of flash here and there with a physical memory of what should be going on.” he sighed, if only he could remember enough that he didn't feel so out of place accepting what he wanted.

It was an internal fight he could do without, seeing her sitting on his bed paired with a flash of what once was..it was making this conversation tight and awkward. He crossed his arms looking to the side again, looking at him she blinked quickly rubbing her temples she couldn't place what she thought but clearly, there was a push of something from somewhere. She stood suddenly.

“This was a mistake...coming here with Navra and Nasmira...these thoughts I can't have and ignore when I can't even explain them to myself. We've been alone many times and only Lareli's presence can fix the gap. This is too much.” she said though agitated it was more of an expression she was back to her most trusted, guarded self again.

He shook his head.

“Well now take it easy...maybe they'll leave without you, and we can talk a little more openly I assume Portia told you what she walked in on?”

“She was somewhat vague...”

“Well Lareli checked out she was like a different person she uh...showed me how things would have been for us....” he trailed off.

“Tied up with a toy inside you...” she blushed as he snapped his head up to look at her she covered her mouth.

“That memory...I..” she turned away as his face lit up a bit, certainly not from embarrassment though.

He didn't say anything though there was something more that stood out, there wasn't tension in the air, he expected her to know that. He didn't know what to say about that but he felt some frustration why couldn't she have come alone. He looked at her it had warmed up but it was pleasant this time and the rich but somewhat casual dress she wore fit her just right. He thought she was beautiful he didn't need a push from the past to think that. Though it was something innocent like a man accepting his place in the friend zone because he was the one who put himself there by finding his own special someone. Now there was a sort of force there he could still think...lighter thoughts sure but his mind was clearly picking and choosing what he should feel from what shadowed emotion.

Nadia was no better she had a thought to call Lareli up break it up...break what she didn't know but she had an idea as she looked over at Julian he was a male sort of beauty. That is to say, he didn't have the pouty features some might have leading to mistaken identification. He had the strong features of any man but he was a very different good looking to Lucio's good looking. Sighing she only stopped as she was startled by Lareli calling them.

She looked between them before she grinned.

“Don't tell me you're having a hard time being alone again.”

She shook her head, it was no thought she'd been aware that came from her there went the mental fuzzies again.

“Why don't we...talk to your sisters before they get impatient before they come up here, Portia can only keep them so long.” clearly she had reason to trust Porta more even though she had walked in that was once as far as she mentally felt.

She couldn't shake the odd feeling around them that was building today was an odd day it seemed, she wondered why. It was technically Summer time though, as they were still experiencing the extremes from Winter it didn't really matter for keeping the time of year. for a moment she wondered if there was more she should be remembering about today. July 24th, there was something about it.

She rubbed her head, just absently there wasn't any pain it was something of a hazy feeling though pleasant enough. It was odd though she hadn't been feeling this just with Julian it began to spike with Nadia with them. With a sigh, she smiled.

“Come on you two...”

They silently followed her hoping their moods weren't too clear on their faces, he looked back feeling a squeeze from Nadia's hand she let go only as they came into view again.  
….

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also yes....I'm not entirely sure where Vesuvia would be if it was plopped down in real life but I still went with when I would see Summer where I live for the date. I know things aren't completely the same place to place ha.


	15. More than special

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay...first thought I've had a transition chapter this is a larger one and if you get confused though I tried to make things somewhat clear...I swear. That is still kind of how it's supposed to be, this is the beginning of the twists to find out more.

…...

It had only been fifteen minutes and Nadia was losing her patience listen to Nasmira talk to Lareli. After an hour she settled on staying quiet rather than showing that she was aggravated. They would only tease her for that.

There were times when she was calm when she might consider that she didn't mean to be as snide as she came off. That it was just her nature in the end after how she was raised but the little comments, how hard it was to believe that she would take Nadia as a friend. That or why Julian seemed so fond of her now when it appeared before that he couldn't be bothered with her. She knew they were referring to times they dropped by and he was over giving her a check up. He said the same then that he did now, work was work but now he could be a real friend. She looked down briefly as Navra glanced at her.

“So Nadi care to join the conversation or will you continue pouting?”

She sneered just slightly.

“I am not pouting I was just thinking.”

“Oh not about work? Surely if you let them close you could relax a little.” Nasmira started.

She stopped herself from saying she would relax without them here, Lareli nudged her.

“Why don't we get some snacks? Julian why don't you entertain with one of your stories...maybe they can guess which one is real and which is fiction.” Lareli said.

He nodded as he stood always ready to be in the light....at least for a little while, at least her sisters were quiet and distracted. As he began his tale of life on the sea she closed the door between the two areas as Nadia moved to lean against the counter she looked her over.

“What's the matter Nadi?”

She shook her head, she wasn't so light against embarrassment Nasmira's tells about her as a small child with Navra's little jokes had been much more tolerable. Still she didn't pout there was something of a quiet serenity about her now. I walked over to her though for a moment I felt my head was spinning.

…..

_“Nadi?”_

_She looked up from her place....she crossed her legs_....

_“I just...feel out of place...”_

_I shifted closer to rest my hand on the small of her back._

_“If you were you wouldn't be here.”_

_“You...don't have to humor me I hate being babied.”_

_“You're not being babied, we care about you....have you forgotten that?”_

_“How can you care about more than one?” it seemed the honeymoon phase was over she was questioning her decisions again._

_“A better question is how couldn't I?”_

_“I mean it...my....'relationship' with Lucio is just business....this I don't understand I'm swimming without a plan and that scares me every time I remember I don't belong.”_

_“You do belong...” I said._

_“No you're worried you won't see me enough and I'll be in danger......though I don't have to be here, I'm not....” she trailed off breathing heavy before she moved to step behind me I grabbed her arm and made her stop sighing as I heard the noise I knew she wanted to conceal._

_“Nadia...what did your sister say? Or all as it usually is.”_

_“What...does..that matter?”_

_“Nadia...we've been over this I know that no matter what role you want to play you still can't get out from under the shadow you gave them. What. Did. She. Say?”_

_She was quiet for a moment before sucking in a bit of air._

_“Nahara said it was a scandal waiting to happen.....stupid Countess lets doctor and mage play her for a fool....she couldn't get a husband that loved her no way she'd get two to replace him. She laughed and said it was okay though...since I was young I could be stupid for a few more years before I had to shape up. They always belittle everything I do....but it's not like they've never been right.” she snapped tugging away from me._

_“I see how you hold on to him...there is no room for me anymore...there never was.” her voice broke no matter how hard she tried to keep it in._

_She ground her teeth I swallowed I hated to see her cry I hardly ever did she didn't want to show it no matter what the situation. No matter who wasn't there to see, she moved to leave but I shook my head to block her path instead of risking a spell that would leave her paralyzed...with my hand anyways. She glared at the ground._

_“Move...”_

_“Do you intend to leave naked?”_

_She sighed and crossed her arms._

_“No...I”m not going back up there though...”_

_“I won't force you to stay or at least I wouldn't normally, but if you think I'm letting you walk out of here believing this is nothing, as if I just want to sleep with you...and that Julian doesn't care....you are completely mistaken.”_

_“It's not up to you,” she said._

_Anger almost pushing past her current expression though it was weak I walked over then to wipe her eyes. She was shaking but she didn't pull away, she leaned letting out another quivering breath. I knew her...when it was okay to ignore the signals and advance and when she had to go at her own pace. This was one of those times, really, almost both she could say she didn't want me to touch her with a movement._

_I remember when we first met, I got lost around Prakra trying to practice moving between realms sometimes I had to take two trips to get further. When I was too drained to just come back I had to wander around. Her parents never completely explained why she was chosen to be the pure one but they treated her like she was priceless. That is...not in the normal sense she was left alone with her thoughts and sometimes a pet, owls being her favorite, they never lived long at least she once thought. She told me she had seen a guard disposing of one as she was given a new one._

_She watched her parents from her little tower, one I'd seen in once it had a view of their favorite garden. They would play with her sisters or work on training while meals were sent up usually with tutors that only watched her, to make sure she paid attention. When she was allowed out for a little bit and met her first group of friends...well she didn't even tell me much on that. I noticed she had a hard time and offered to try and look at her memories instead if it was too much for her as a child. I was surprised it worked, usually, I wouldn't have seen anything._

_As it was, other kids didn't get close to her some found her sister more appealing, sweeter I didn't get it I made it a habit to come see her after I recovered. Then I came back to find that her parents died without her really knowing them which made me come even more often. When she was finally given more training Nahara let her go she traveled alone and when I saw her next it was......._

_Never the less we spent more time together, the first time I actually met her sisters I hadn't touched her, now they didn't care much for me. Though I didn't like them either so it was fine._

_Julian was more than happy to bring her into the group then...we were all fairly close in age to the month anyhow. It was easier for him to warm up to her than the other way around they didn't fight she just worried we weren't going to really be friends anymore. That feeling seemed to stick, but the context changed. She didn't know everything about him and he didn't know everything about her but they were comfortable around one another and became close_ _all the same._

_“I hold him when the day is too much for him, you have made it a habit to push me away first. Though you also know that your sister knows jack shit about me. You let yourself think she does questioning your value again.”_

_“I....”_

_“I see why you struggled in one way but you know it's not one or the other we decided what was best as a group of three. I've seen you at your worst, but it's not pity that keeps me by your side it's the relief I feel. To see you hurt and know you'll keep living no matter what. I get to be grateful you allow me to smile with you._

_I can stand back and let you live for yourself when you get angry and stand against what's wrong feeling pride. I even get to hurt seeing you push me away when you know even I'd never leave you, you still treat me like I would. I love you and when you're dressed I want to see you be happy it doesn't have to be here but I wish it would be. Part of me wishes you would make me choose but you won't and you didn't because...you wanted to be here if that changed just tell me. You're not alone.”_

_She looked down finally sagging against me I kissed the top of her head, I wasn't mad at her for doubting me I knew that it wasn't going to be easy to get her simply relax. I was angry that her sisters got to her again. She didn't have to mention all of them, I knew Nahara never acted alone when they cared to talk down about me to her. We shifted to the couch I stroked her back slowly listening as the grandfather clock went off, old piece of junk was really good with one last thing I checked the pocket watch, something she'd just given me._

_It was midnight...the 24th I smiled slightly._

_“Happy anniversary baby.”_

_She mumbled against my shoulder as Julian came to join us he seemed highly unsure as I waved him over. It was his day too after all he slid next to her as she slowly pulled a hand from me to squeeze his. I gave him a kiss I never could brush off their feelings even when I misread the signals I always tried to treat them the same. When I couldn't I hoped to make up for it._

_As he rested his chin on her shoulder speaking lightly to her as he stroked her arm I smiled watching her calm herself._

_To split them up seemed...off, to say the least, it was our second year and I'd take as many as I could to prove there was nothing to worry about._  
…...

When she didn't respond to Nadia shaking her and Portia's cries, Julian moved to pick her up and take her to the clinic, hearing the scream he was quick to rush in and grab her. She was somewhat awake her mind swirled she knew some events were out of place though she couldn't speak. Really responding seemed out of the question for a brief moment she saw the pair together. Nadia ignored Nasmira as she tried to help insisting they could take care of it a spike going through the air. Julian felt scattered he couldn't see her breathing he wasn't sure what he could do other than have her lay somewhere safe. He hated it.

It was the worst feeling and it consumed him all the more.

He could tell himself not to panic but knowing he couldn't do anything was making that almost impossible.

“Al.....most...per.....fect.”

…..

_“Hmm let me think....two friends...waiting to surprise the other with a surprise..but there is no cake.”_

_I grinned though_ _the mood was hard to place they wouldn't even look at me, meet at the tavern as usual. That was all I got in the note, though I had to keep Nadia close for her safety Julian could leave much longer he always came back I wondered if he was leaving again even though he was friendly deep down I knew both of them had an issue being friendly with me when the other_ was _around. Now without the safety of youth...gloves had come off I kissed Nadia a week ago, Julian wanted to end the night with a game...we had long since stopped being normal friends._

_“Okay,_ _so you don't want to have fun what is it...?”_

_“I just...need a salty bitter...”_

_“You've had four...” Nadia said solemnly, the tavern was basically closed except the bartender often let us close up in full for him. We paid extra for that service still she didn't often let her emotions slip in public, it was getting harder to lighten the mood._

_“And I'm still able to talk ...clearly so I haven't had enough.”_

_“Okay, what's the matter....?” I started._

_“I don't want this...” Nadia said._

_“What? To be friends?” I asked concerned about how I could protect her with that target on her back if she didn't want to see me._

_“No that's not it...I just..Julian...”_

_He sighed._

_“She means this isn't working out because it's not enough.”_

_“I'm confused...and dense remember I'm very dense.” seeing them blush I smiled slightly..cute._

_Guess I'm odd like that._

_“I guess in some ways we've been sharing your time without an actual sign of what was going on...what was going to be the end,” Nadia explained._

_“So you do want to stop being friends...”_

_“No...well yes sort of,” Julian muttered he couldn't look at me, even with the touch of feeling their emotions it was a confused mess._

_“Yep....still confused.”_

_“We want to be more than friends and you know what that means you know this is hard for me and Julian makes it hard for himself.”_

_“I do not make myself hard!” he said hitting the bar with his fist._

_We looked at him as he put his head on the bar I laughed there it was their emotions were much clearer now._

_“Okay I see..um I'm being propositioned got it.”_

_“You can say no...and make this_ _easy,” Nadia said._

_I grinned again and moved to stand._

_“Tell me....how did you come to this decision?”_

_“We couldn't decide who should be with you....if it was one of us...we figured if you had someone else you would say so.”_

_“But what about you two?”_

_“We haven't decided....”_

_“Well now I don't want to make any decisions on my own...this wouldn't work that way, would it?”_

_They looked at one another and back at me._

_“We could...be we too.”_

_“Oh and what about Portia and Lucio? Did you also work it out with them beforehand I'm feeling a little cornered.” admittedly I felt a little....well yeah it wasn't all that strange to me I could be with Lucio and Portia and never think of either of them as more than friends._

_It didn't work out that way with Nadia and Julian, guess I never really considered what was the best option for me...romantically._

_“I....no.... this is just about us we'll tell them later, they have no idea...if this was a bad idea....”_

_I stopped him before he could go on._

_“It's fine I'm just surprised, I mean...I'm not uncomfortable we've crossed different boundaries...I didn't think this was going to happen wasn't even a fantasy yet. I thought it was just something to do until we all split up.”_

_“Maybe it could have been before...but things change_ , _” Nadia said_ , _they were both looking at me now I shook my head._

_“I don't know....why don't we head home and see what happens in the morning?” surprised by the turn of events or not._

_I didn't just agree because those looks made me, the idea hadn't crossed my mind though not because I was against it. Life was surprising that way...more than I expected on my end I guess I was impressed they pushed past their own struggles to talk to me at all...let alone make a decision. I turned away and extended a hand one for each of them. Soon we were outside, door locked off as a trio and I wasn't sure what to do about it._

_But I was intrigued._  
…..

Lareli rolled over though she was silent, eyes still shut tight, it was fairly late the only peace of her sisters leaving gave her a limited distracted watching the other move about as she did. Portia paced as Julian examined her just to have something to do when she turned over settling on her back she smiled briefly.

That was enough to calm their nerves though they didn't have the why behind it.

Faust took then slide up the table.

“Faust....”

_'Silly!'_

“What is...?”

_'You!...love!'_ she slithered in a circle around Lareli's heart.

'Naptime!'

_'She'll wake...!!'_

She hissed as they stared at her.

_'Be there.'_

She slid away sure they knew enough to work it out as Portia came from behind the curtain still concerned she pouted.

“Anything?”

Julian glanced at her.

“Maybe..”  
….

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See what I mean? No...maybe...yes ha I wasn't just contradicting myself things will be explained more details are coming like why Nadia agreed to one thing stuck feeling another. I just cut the chapter before it got too long I wanted to show that it wasn't always perfect.


	16. Twisted views

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Net was out but it's pretty weak while I can post...well here you go.

….....

 

Lareli shifted slowly on her side moving to sit up she kept her eyes closed feeling a bit like she was trapped in a box just barely her size. She rubbed her eyes before slowly opening them Julian was sitting next to her as he looked at her. Though his face was red as he quietly asked her if she was alright. She smiled slightly as she took his hand. She felt a little hazy but no where near as broken down as she might have felt before. There was some hidden peace just laying in the dark without a need to get up and go, as he squeezed her hand in return she gave him a look to say she was listening.

She knew he wanted to say something more.

“...We were just sitting and waiting until..the memories started to flood in...they were the easiest to come back.”

He'd sat there dazed for a moment before he was thinking as he might have for the past...however many years it was at least four now. It wasn't sure how he felt about that, he had enough information to live in Vesuvia and keep his use. To go on through life day by day his most important loss was the time he couldn't recall with both of them. Suddenly he felt on edge, she couldn't have woken up fast enough his memory wasn't exactly the same he felt that he had been through this too many times and each felt worse.

He couldn't say if it was because he had lost his memories many times, or if he'd been unable to help her twice as much that gave him that vibe.

“What did you see?” she asked slowly.

“...That..well seeing us ambush you before we settled on...being together.”

She smiled a bit wider, he looked away from her he could feel she was just tired the state that memories came in wasn't exactly sleep so much as being lost in what you couldn't reach. Aside from that she was fine and that look was doing things to him already. Such a hold she had over him, he wasn't so surprised as he was disappointed he couldn't put everything together.

“That gives me...less to explain then.” she said as he helped her sit up straight to give her some tea to drink.

He had thought to chill it and sweeten it with honey, something he remembered she enjoyed even with a bit of snow out side it felt far too warm in here. Perhaps it was just him.

“You saw it too?”

As she nodded he sighed with relief.

“I thought it was just wishful thinking, then I didn't know if it would matter to bring it up to you.”

She kissed his cheek she was fond of that blush of his, yes, still cute.

He lightly grabbed her chin to steady her head as he looked into her eyes, though there was something different thinking he was examining a long time girlfriend. He frowned then as he released her and stared down well aside from anything overwhelming him there was something else, not all was well.

“Nadia's not here is she?”

He shook his head.

“What exactly did you see?”

“Only when we got together..”

“Then there is more, you must have gotten the good and she got the bad, she wanted to be part of it but she stood in her own way many times, when it seemed she was thinking clearly her sisters would drag her down instead.” she explained, smile faded.

He stared at her, Nadia had gotten up as the room stopped spinning and left without a word he wasn't sure she even saw what he did.

“What could she have seen?”

“That she didn't belong when we both knew she did then and still does, let's go get her.”  
….

Nadia kept her gaze down, she didn't wave to anyone as she passed, or speak rather than be offended the servants that cared were concerned. She only glanced up briefly as she reached the stairs. Seeing Portia she stared down again, she wasn't angry with her she could say she was jealous of her though. The thoughts now were still very much stuck in her mind, her sisters loved to tease her but when it was more malicious she couldn't be sure if there was more to the memory or if they didn't think she'd listen to reason. It pained her, more than that to stand and leave though she had to, Lareli had Julian she almost turned around thinking she wanted to be there but the idea that she may not be as desired as he was stopped her.

However, the jealousy was different, in fact she couldn't truly call it that she thought he was the better option she hoped it was her sister's past words....mentions of her inability to get love twice over...were just too loud in her mind now. Though if they weren't, if she didn't truly belong and they were just too kind to tell her so when would Lareli make her leave?

She didn't want to know, she couldn't help but be jealous of Portia if their positions were reversed she wouldn't be consumed by anything like this.

“Ah mi'lady....”

“Don't call me that.” she heard herself saying.

“But...”

“I just...don't address me like that..go tend to your lover.”

The oddest thing she remembered was that they were only alone because it was one of the many times Lucio would keep Portia occupied. At least that's how he put it, they had been attached at the hip.

“.....lover?”

“It was a lost memory returned, you belong to Lucio, go I want to be alone.”

The only thing stopping Portia from advancing on her was the idea that she remembered such a thing that hadn't touched her own mind at all. She blushed and shook her head as she turned, concerned for her or not even she knew a time when the Countess was not to be disturbed. It didn't happen often but when it did there was nothing to question. She couldn't imagine what would have happened. She had come ahead when Lareli appeared normal and just needed to sleep. Mostly on her brother's request he'd been acting oddly though from the look on his face she had the idea that there was more he wanted her gone for. She planned to stop by later but she had a feeling that they would come here.  
…..

Lucio was laying in bed staring up at the ceiling when she knocked he smirked slightly as the door was cracked. He rearranged himself against the pillows glancing over to his dogs they were free to roam but settled on their little beds in the corner instead. He supposed he understood sometimes the last thing he wanted to do, when he could avoid it, was leave the comfort of his room.

“You could just walk in.”

“You know why I'm here don't you?”

“Maybe, have something to do with a couple years you seemed to have shut out?”

Though he kept the expression it seemed much more distant and cold than she was used to, she frowned rubbing her head she was hardly used to any of this every day felt wrong with the thought that something was missing. She didn't want or need this.

“Lucio I can't...”

“Now she says my name, you know Portia until you can get yourself together maybe you should leave me alone. I care only to pretend so much.” he said annoyance consuming his expression.

She looked down leaning against the door.

“Lucio please....Nadia just told me and I'm working on nothing I don't know why I forgot what you didn't....wait did you say a couple years?”

He rolled his eyes.

“Yes a couple, not that it really matters I suppose, and before you go playing the victim you weren't injured one day you just came back and I was nothing. Get out.”

“If it's as you say then how do you know I wasn't injured?? And who are you to complain you could have said something.”

He glared at her.

“I did! You'd remember for a few seconds or an hour all of sudden I was Count again one you couldn't even be friendly with.”

“You kissed me...because you knew what I didn't.” she said, not sure what to say about that.

“I was frustrated, the real you would have surrendered to me in a second now leave me the fuck alone I won't argue for nothing, you'll forget and then nothing matters once again.” she stepped back as he bellowed he was up to slam the door in a blink she couldn't help but feel guilty.

Though that wasn't fair, it wasn't her fault.

She paused, at least she didn't think it was but did that matter in whatever state she was in, she would wait a bit but if her brother and Lareli weren't on their way then she'd go to them...hoping they had some memory of her and Lucio too.  
…..

Nadia pushed the door to room open and as it was closed she noticed her balcony door was open, walking over she frowned seeing Lareli and Julian. mostly because she had hoped no matter how much she argued with herself.

“There she is.”

As they turned she crossed her arms.

“Shouldn't you be resting?”

“I was, but we seem to missing someone...”

She blushed.

“I can't just agree to anything based on a clearing of the mind.”

Lareli held up her hand before Julian could argue with her she smiled at him.

“I suppose that's true, do you not feel anything with us here?”

“....No.”

“I know you're lying...I can see the way you fidget, it's true enough I don't know if anything ended already but I know when you need space. I won't push but I will be back tomorrow with Julian.”

“I won't change my mind.”

“If you don't, you'll still see me, the connection and all.”

“Lareli....”

She took Julian's arm before he could say anything more and like clockwork Nadia told them to stop she covered her mouth as Lareli grinned.

“It's not ideal Nadi, but love we do need each other to get out of the fog, you're not obligated to anything, remember you're not alone.”

“I know that...you're here.” she frowned mostly embarrassed

It was something she would had said much more proudly in the past, she knew that much.  
…....


	17. Torn in reality

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't forget this story I was stuck trying to decide where to go I had several ideas that didn't work this one fit.

…...

  
After a night Nadia felt a little better, that is it wasn't so impossible to think she had been properly welcomed into the relationship. However, once a week, two...leading to September there was no real change. There had been bursts of memory here and there but even when she saw them there was a limit, something blocking. It resulted in far too many headaches to push more of what Julian could get back he had a hard time being at peace around Lareli. He saw glimpses of finishing work only to strip down and wait for her, Nadia or both. He wanted to make those thoughts a reality which made him feel a little guilty because no matter what she remembered he remembered she had that box of letters and she wouldn't let them see what she had written first she wanted to go through them first.

Lareli let her, and it was a let because they could tell when she read something she didn't like and they didn't want to see her so down when they couldn't help her. Still, it was something she had to go through if she insisted. If they were just thoughts they would help her if she had spoken on the situations surrounding them all then it was important to go through ever letter. Though she was busy with more meetings with the Courtiers they weren't sure how many she had gotten through. Whatever she was getting lead to headaches too best she take her time before she reject it all.

Things were comfortable.

As for Lucio, after admitting what he knew he simply left saying he would talk to some of their allies to see if there was any new information on the weather. There had been more walls in that, Nadia continued to try and look at the letters everyone was used to this by now but she wondered if this had started before, if she knew why the weather was a mess and that they had been through this. No answers to be found anywhere else.

She sat alone in her bathing room looking through some she felt shivers when she touched some of the envelopes and didn't open them she sighed just giving in and looking at one.

-I don't know why that woman insists on pestering me...am I really lacking that much?

She stared at the page seeing a scribble from Lareli.

}Trying to hide notes from me again, what did I tell you? When you feel you don't belong come to me I'll love on you until your sick of it, I'm waiting.

She bit her lip as she looked down staring at the words repeating them in her head jumping as Lareli bent next to her.

“Hmm seems like something you need now...”

“Lareli....”

She thought of the less innocent memories that managed to push some of her insecurities away she sighed as she stared at the water letter slipping below as she let it.

“I wonder how common it is for you to be like this, you can't push yourself around.”

“I don't...at least I don't think so.”

“You can only avoid us so long.”

Nadia didn't comment, most of her thoughts that drifted back came when she slept little looks into what might be waiting for her when she went to bed. If Julian wasn't there Lareli would come see her just the same she made it difficult to concentrate on what she put at the front of her mind. She watched her for a moment before she slid closer to slide her arms around her neck. Nadia absently leaned back.

“I hate to be in my own head.”

“I know, you share that with Julian.”

“Where is he?”

“Napping we were snowed in thought we could play a little.” Lareli said, she already seemed different not in a negative light.

Nadia felt like she had slipped back into a role that made it easy to be with her...she wasn't sure if Julian was as difficult as she was. Absently grabbing her hand she let her thoughts drift why did it have to feel normal yet out of reach, something she didn't deserve she hated the back and fourth at least at this moment.

“...What were you playing?”

Lareli grinned.

“I'm surprised you wanted to hear, he didn't want to at first but I see how he looks there was something coming back, I made him tell me what it was.”

She reached to open her robe sliding her finger tips over her nipples slightly hard just at the thought of what they might have been up to alone. Trailing away, squeezing a few times, as she spoke low in her ear she pictured the ropes he was so fond of. Part of her wanted to try those but she couldn't. That wasn't a touch of insecurity she was afraid, of how it would twist her desires to give up control completely. She let her head back trying it out Lareli's laugh was light as she bent her head to kiss her.

She didn't let it go on to long as she pulled back telling of their favorite red faced man, mentioning something was lacking without her on his other leg. She grit her teeth as she pulled away to stand as Nadia had.

“You know tight and constricted Julian finds ease in what he is doing no matter what his inner critic says. Why don't I restrict your wrists and see if it has the same effect on you?”

She crossed her arms.

“I'm not like Julian.”

“Well no one is quite like him but it seems there is some mental peace in just letting another take control, hmm want to play?”

She didn't respond she only stood up and followed her out of her room and to the bed she slid out of her wet robe looking up as Lareli moved to help her dry off before instructing her as she would for Julian she felt her robe's belt tied around her wrists she reached to rest her hands on her hips drawing circles on her hips as she told her to spread her legs. Lareli waited for her to do as she instructed before she slid her hand down to the top of her curls. Once again drawing circles she felt the lightest shiver quickly growing as she seemed to remember how well she knew Nadia's body. It wasn't enough, no matter how much she wished to squeeze her legs together.

“One choice...up or down?”

Nadia shivered as she looked down.

“You have to say it.”

“....Touch me...there.”

She traced her circles lower.

“You need more confidence that's not enough information...”

She groaned as she shifted to leave light marks on her neck, a little suction, more of those little circles it was so simple but she could curl her toes if she was laying free. She let out a heavy breath.

“What...for?”

“Because you can't do this...be afraid to say what you want, I know why it is you have a hard time letting go, it's not your fault but you have to know I love you if you would just give me some room to move I could show you more. Help you relax.”

She looked up seeing her reflection leg bent bare as the day she was born wrapped just barely in those arms, just one set she spent most of days in since she chose to be with them. It was......as it should be, she spread her legs further it was a slow whisper but Lareli heard her request to touch her lips slide into her core however she pleased and that was enough for now. She tightened up feeling those slender fingers teasing her clit she cried out.

“My...you've been backed up...haven't you?”

“No...”

“Lies.”

She nipped her ear slowly working a scissoring motion listening for more gasps as she did she felt the wetness was too much, shamed by the noise before..

Her eyes shot open.

Nadia breathed heavy and looked down realizing it was only her own fingers she remained alone she moved to stand up almost tripping over herself as she moved to get ready, it hadn't seemed like a dream everything seemed, felt so life like it was late she wasn't sure if they were even awake but she had to get out of this room.

…..

Lareli yawned hearing the door Julian couldn't really sleep and while she appeared to be a little ready for bed she felt as lively as he did. They were concerned something had been off about Nadia though she at least came to visit seeing it was her through the window she wondered what happened, opening the door she jumped as Nadia freely showed her affection throwing her arms around her neck she found a guard to help her get there it took a few tries to get out as the first time she almost left without getting dressed the next she nearly forgot her money should she need it. It was cold from the blizzard if anything it seemed to have shifted, several days of heat then two days of cold only to switch and repeat, tonight it wasn't that bad.

She rubbed her back as she clung to her Julian came walked inside from the side and cocked his head seeing her, it was late he didn't think she'd come today.

“What's the matter Nadi?”

“...What month is it?...”

“August...it's been a few days, did you check out on us?”

She sighed heavily as Julian came to check her temperature she huffed.

“I don't know...I guess...I thought it was September.”

“Why don't you come to the house, we can chat.”

“I can't....unless you well Lareli you have my permission I'm making myself crazy I was dreaming but I wasn't everything seemed so real...”

“Calm down, tell me slow...” she said as the door was locked and secure.

“I can't get my memories back properly...unless you force me to.”

“I don't have that power Nadi.”

“No I mean...I need you to take the control from me, please you have my permission.”

Lareli shook her head looking at Julian.

“What did you do...?”

“Why am I to blame?” he asked a slow smirk raising on his face.

“Because you made me curious...I remember that much.”

“Oh so it is his fault....well then I guess we really need to talk and see if you really want to take that sort of role.”

“It's not a fault, it's fun.” Julian argued.

Nadia found herself wanting to agree with him while Lareli was simply curious about the sudden change.

Well that and if it was a change at all.  
…..

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep a memory without italics that was done on purpose...don't ask why this is what my mind turned to and no matter how light still working on my scenes.


	18. Leap of faith

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't remember if I thanked for kudos but thanks again if I did, or just thanks if I didn't, sorry had to wait going on I had a lot of ideas and got through them now I simply can't decide. Sometimes I just have to scoot away from a story a little to fix it.

…....

  
Nadia watched Julian as he moved through the kitchen Lareli sat across from her her mind still on her dreams. She only watched her hardly moving, she didn't feel uneasy just a bit overwhelmed by her impatience she guessed she was a lot more frustrated than she considered. After a moment the mage smiled at her.

“Are you really comfortable with the idea of just giving in?”

It wasn't the first question she expected her to ask, she started to answer as Lareli shook her head telling her to think about it first. Of course it went without saying, she couldn't expect either of them to truly hurt her, they could watch her limits even more closely than she could, however it was worth more thought than that. She swallowed seeing an image of herself tied to a chair it was loose enough but she had no desire to get free. She was teasing her with those fingers of hers again just resting on her inner thigh if only she would move forward. She shook her head as she blushed.

“I am...it's frustrating to be so confused but I've found it's worse living in my head alone, wishing to change it on the outside, only to reprimand myself for wanting that. I....don't have to question if I'll be safe you with at all..” as her tone dropped with her confidence the blush only seemed to darken, when the other moved beside her she wrapped her arms around herself.

“I don't want to push you but we have gotten a little back, enough to miss you and know the limit to your concerns. You have to take it one day at a time, no matter what wherever you stay you're home with us okay?” she offered sweetly.

Nadia bit her lip as she leaned closer, she shivered feeling Lareli's arm around her waist dropping her head on the other's shoulder she tried to focus on more than how close she was. She could curse herself she was far too pent up for her own good.

“We only checked on you while you worked it didn't seem you weren't yourself because of the way you moved. I'm sure it's to do with the amnesia. I feel you couldn't have hidden it so easily before, maybe you do need a little training around us.”

Nadia, for a second, wanted to spread her legs from the way she spoke the last bit she shook her head in frustration.

“Okay...”

“If you want to stop, just say so, and yes I feel I have to tell you that.”

She wasn't sure how to feel about it, but there was something different about Lareli still comforting but there was a firmness something that took the guess work out of what she should do. She chewed on her lip as Julian joined them.

“.....I thought of you in the dream too...”

He smirked though there was a dusting of red on his cheeks.

“Was it arousing or irritating?” he asked arm resting on the back of the couch.

Her blush was all the answer needed, as Lareli gave her hand a squeeze she smiled.

“Good...I'm glad you came to us instead of hiding out.”

She could only hope it was the best decision though she would find out later.  
…....

Lareli had Julian tie up Nadia, light ropes something she could easily break out of, he couldn't help but grow aroused though he was preparing to leave them alone. He didn't think she could handle both of them and he knew he definitely couldn't handle just watching. She had been mostly quiet over dinner as they talked about what they could she agreed to simply hand over the letters she needed help...or wanted help to go through them. As he backed up he paused feeling Lareli's hands on his lower back.

“Where do you think you're going? She's here to see what's comfortable for her, you can't leave.”

He grit his teeth as he swallowed the lump in his throat as she moved to untie the top of her dress, she didn't need to uncover anything considering they were dressed..  
…...

It was that time again, Julian and Nadia shared this little trait on one hand it was easy to play the put together role so much that they appeared to to carry themselves with pride. With me it always seemed to fall completely, when we were alone, I thought it was cute but then in the years we've been together that was a default thought. Somehow I ended up the head of it, I could push one them to take control sure but it was always the same. I blame them for making it so easy to dominate it wasn't always the three of us. Sometimes Julian would watch or he would wait he seemed to get off on denial in the extreme wouldn't even take binding.

It was something we tried in the past when it was just sex him and I, and he ended up liking it more than he thought. For a while he seemed embarrassed to bring it up again until he got used to it now of course there was more there, he wasn't afraid to let go much like when it was his turn to be on top no matter what he said. I wasn't simply the 'head' because I made all the rules it was just so common let go of frustrations and let someone else take the reigns we had more balance than it might appear.

Though we had no reason to care what anyone thought about it, we didn't show it all over Vesuvia or when we traveled, but you couldn't expect no one would ever notice. The loudest were a pair of elderly couples that must have seen me teasing both of them at the last play we went to, far from Vesuvia. I ignored their remarks on the 'display' the theater was packed and they weren't the only ones that could see us but no one else cared. I kissed them both hardly caring that shut them up and left me with a very needy boyfriend.

For Nadi it was a little different.

When she got busy, focused on work or had to leave to work with Lucio she tended to reach a point where frustration, the best kind even, got the better of her. She was a great leader, Lucio too and I didn't have to say that just because they were friends, or just because Nadi was a beloved, they did what they could and overstepped where it was possible. Portia would comment that it seemed they had too much control sometimes.

When the balance fell things changed Lucio got restless and my dear girl got horny.

I tried to keep it fair but I knew when to tease Julian to keep Nadia occupied that kept it easy enough I never got a complaint that way. I wanted them both to be happy but I could only do so much when they were both on edge.

Letting the thoughts fade I looked at Julian mind settled, reminding him he really ought to strip first he had such a love of buckles and leather...it was a chore to take everything off. He only slid off the bed to do as he was told. I reached over to touch her cheek...she might as well watch closely.  
…..

Lareli blinked a few times she hadn't passed out the ache was there just long enough to let her know she checked out she smirked then watching Julian as he slid his shirt off to join his pants he'd been barefoot this time it was an easy task. Nadia watched as a bit of smooth skin was revealed in teasing bits she looked down feeling her kiss her neck she could only wonder how many times Lareli had teased her while Julian stripped for them. Not that it mattered her body reacted to it though she cursed as she was prevented from moving her legs.

With a signal from a finger he knew to join them, as the snow started again Nadia closed her eyes it was easy enough to focus on the sensation, one that a small part of her remembered. She didn't notice when her top was slid down though she froze feeling the warm from Lareli's tongue teasing her nipple. She registered Julian was pushing on her stomach just slightly to silently keep her still. She bit her lip as he worked on the other one. She had the lightest touch while the movement of his tongue was rougher either way she was grinding her teeth needing more contact.

Julian opened his eyes as Lareli took his head she slid it down to rest on her thigh Nadia whimpered, Julian's face was bright red as she pulled back kiss her she gave him the light signal to make him carefully slide his fingers inside. She cried out making it easier to deepen the kiss.

For a moment she pictured a much longer tease now wasn't the time the bed was of course just the right size for the three of them. She could reach over to grab his cock. He swallowed thickly as he processed the situation he tried to focus on the careful movements of his scissoring for Nadia but his hips were free in showing the desire there. To anyone else it might have been a little more odd for someone just starting out but they responded as easily as they should.

Free to spread her legs Nadia did as she arched nerves long gone as she was released to breathe only to be taken down for another kiss this time from Julian she shivered as she took a hickey on the other side. She couldn't take it this time when she let out a noise Lareli made Julian stop.

“No!...Ugh I was almost there....” she panted.

Lareli grinned as she moved between her legs.

“Just a minute.”

She arched feeling her light tease tongue to clit as she replaced her hand on Julian's manhood she listened to the chorus of moans as she moved ready to bring them to edge again...and again.

Tonight, she was the head because what she said went she'd tease them as she felt she should.  
…..

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah I know my scenes are painful...still trying :)


	19. Another tie in the ring

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't remember if I thanked or not but thanks for the kudos The_Doctors_Chevalier and constellationtheorist. Also thanks for the bookmark doc, I hope you like the rest of what you stick around for.

…...

 

Late into the evening, Nadia woke up at some point her wrists had been free the blanket slid down the cold air made her retreat back under the blanket. Julian looked over his movement catching her attention, she blushed turning her head. He smiled.

“Well?”

“...I don't know...it's so raunchy..”

He smirked.

“So?”

She didn't answer as she puffed out her cheeks in annoyance briefly turning on her side with her back to him.

“Don't be embarrassed.”

She shifted as he lowered his arm to wrap it around her, looking over her head as she sunk further into the bed. Both stared at Lareli she was still asleep laying on her back.

“She makes it easy to let go doesn't she?”

“...Too easy...” she said grabbing her hand.

“Point?”

They straightened up hearing her speak she kept her eyes closed as she smiled slightly.

“You could have said you were awake...”

“I remembered, you did this all the time, let yourself get all worked up and then we'd have to tend to you I wonder if my rather innocent girl did it on purpose?” Lareli said giving her cheek a light stroke.

She blushed darker if possible she felt the heat of a much lighter embarrassment as if she had been found out without knowing herself what she was doing. Lareli laughed then and rolled on her side to rest her arm higher on her back above Julian's. She kissed her forehead putting her more at ease enveloped even as she fairly gave Julian the same affection she felt loved. She hated to feel it as much knowing she could run from it. She sighed closing her eyes again it's fine she only wanted to focus on the now her mind was at ease that way.

Just what she had to have.  
…..

_I sighed as I woke wrapped up tightly in blankets and a very naked Nadia, that part was enjoyable the constriction when I had to pee however...not my thing. I could easily free myself from one only to fight against another. She groaned rolling on her side I kissed her cheek and moved to the bathroom we were in her bedroom. It was nice but then most places we were together were_ _I still had the leftover_ _taste in my mouth from far too much to drink I wasn't sure how long I'd been asleep, I dealt with my needs and washed up pulling on the wrap I left in here. It had been warm, pleasantly enough though, no need for heavy robes. I had to get to the shop early I always told Nadia when I had to leave earlier, Julian had a harder time there was a warning for her so she could sleep enough for her own duties, he had to be woken up so he didn't panic._

_He really hated waking up alone._

_Realizing he was still there I wondered what was wrong and walked toward the curtain we had set up in here they were for teasing mostly. I jumped seeing he was here constricted as he had been the night before I moved to pull him free from his restraints he took his blindfold off though he didn't speak to me._

_“You're not hurt are you?”_

_“Aside from what I feel since I was_ _forgotten?_ _I'm fucking peachy.” though he didn't_ _snap when he was angry...at least with me, he was more likely to cry than lose his temper._

_In a way endearing though I hated to see him upset._

_I froze as he stood up stretching out his limbs avoiding contact, I rubbed my head feeling a little dazed still it wasn't so hard shaking off a hangover with a little magic. I know I would have had a lot to forget him entirely._

_“Ah, Jules I'm sorry...”_

_“Whatever....”_

_I moved to hug him from behind, as I thought he was pissed but he wasn't moving away from me he was far to easy to read. Though that was a good thing, I couldn't pretend to have everything together, I made mistakes sometimes I wondered how they put up with me the past couple years. We fell into an easy schedule sure but didn't mean it was smooth sailing I frowned thinking of Nadia, she was still tender when it came to talk of her sisters._

_“Let me get ready for work.”_

_“Don't pout we shouldn't be playing when I'm drunk it's my fault I got the wrong one.”_

_He didn't comment as I kissed his neck though he tilted his head, I could tell what was bothering him._

_“You really think I'm more connected to her than you?”_

_“It seemed that way last night..”_

_“You know that's impossible beloved, I love her, and wouldn't go without her if I didn't have to but you know with nuptials comes our own special tie. It always pushes against that. Don't you love her, wish to cherish her?”_

_“I know.....I do but..” he sighed heavily._

_“I'm hopeless just call me a bad person and leave me to wallow.”_

_“Nope, don't be jealous you know I'd never just forget you, I'm always here for you even when I'm awful.”_

_He sighed, I knew it wasn't entirely jealousy, as if he didn't want her there I often liked to watch them together. They didn't try to please me they could just as easily be attached to one another whether I was there or not. It wasn't wishful thinking with one tie to keep me near Nadi and the other for Julian I could read when they put on an act and when there was more they couldn't say._

_I kissed his cheek as he relaxed._

_“Nadi has a lot of meetings today, it'll be just us alright? Don't get so worked up.”_

_“I wasn't I just..” I tapped his lips._

_“I know it's been the three of us a lot lately we'll get someone on one time then you won't have to be so uptight.”_

_He blushed though he nodded, I released him to let him wash up reminding him to hurry so I could leave him at the clinic. As I left the room to grab my shoes I noticed she was sitting up back to the door. I walked over to touch her shoulder._

_“Have a headache love?”_

_She didn't say anything as she looked up, angry tears threatened to spill I shook my head._

_“You weren't meant to hear that...” she swatted my hand away._

_“Is that all you have to say?.... If you couldn't keep it equal why agree at all?”_

_“It's not something I knew from the beginning Nadi I don't have control of this...”_

_“Just hurry up and leave, I'd hate to keep you from your favorite.”_

_I moved to take her arm though she spun in a moment to strike me, I could have stopped it but she was angry I let her have it as she stormed out. I sighed, I'd have to talk to her later, she did know we were married it came up a little while after the relationship started._

_It wasn't important to live that way it became that way in the end..._

_I knew the asshole was toying with her again he couldn't leave well enough alone._  
…..

Lareli sat up jumping out of bed as her head spun only Julian grabbing her to steady her stopped her movement. He looked at her as she shook her head quickly before looking up at him eyes dazed for a moment before it cleared. He swallowed thickly as he lowered his hands to hold her tighter.

She shook her head.

“....You saw that...too?”

He only nodded dropping to press his lips against hers.

What more was there to say, until she could figure out the rest of the memory.  
…....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now I can't pretend I had it all planned out as if it were a challenge, but I noticed something got a little similar to my other story. Like a piece of the big picture, while I get confused on the ideas for this one the other story has shifted quite a bit in my brain at the point it is now I had a completely different idea. So it was an accident but it's own form of challenge to use an idea and see what I could do with different plots. The point is the connection is not meant to be entirely the same but also in some ways it is. Something generic an almost magical soulmate but you'll see it's still not the same eventually. I just thought I'd address that.


	20. Broken memories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nope didn't forget the story or completely run out of ideas, the chapter was much shorter and sort of a filler sometimes need those, what I forgot was to post it....heh.

_…....._

_I let her stew for an hour absently helping out at the clinic with minor things I couldn't really focus, sanitizing an area for a shot...or restocking medical supplies. Wasn't something I could screw up but magic when I was distracted well....wasn't worth it so I couldn't open my shop just yet. I stretched as I landed in Lucio's room I sighed heavily. He didn't look up from brushing his dogs but I knew he knew I was there._

_“I'm surprised you came, thought you didn't need me.”_

_I scoffed._

_“As if I could go without my dear big brother I guess I just needed a word of advice...”_

_In truth, he wasn't really my brother but I'd actually known him longer than I'd known Julian even when I needed help moving around being an untrained little kid he was more of a constant. We'd never had more than a friendship but he would often tease me when I would choose to speak to Julian over him._   
_….............................._

_I sat next to him he wouldn't say anything I was sure it had been another thirty minutes at least before he looked up at me._

_“Calm now?”_

_I smiled at him, he knew me too well._

_“I guess...”_

_“Nadia unwillingly told me what happened.”_

_“Well, I didn't mean it how it came out.”_

_“I know that anyone who knows you knows that, even Nadia but I'm sure you understand it doesn't feel that way now.”_

_“Of course I do I just don't really know how to fix it, I can't help the mage's bind or what it has done since I really had something with Julian but then that was a long time ago and it's not common for couples who choose the route to have our set up. If I had a chance to know better.......”_   
_…........._

_I shook my head as I moved further from his door and ended up outside Nadia's I knocked but went for pushing the door open instead she was on her bed a scatter of books and paper around her. She frowned but other than that she didn't acknowledge me. I walked over moving a book to drop next to her._

_“I'm very busy Lareli.”_

_“So you want me to leave and not speak to you again? Well more than needed anyways.”_

_When she tensed I smiled and kissed her shoulder resting her arms around her waist._

_“Nadia it's not....”_

_“Don't make excuses I get it I can't measure up....”_  
.....................................

  
Lareli blinked repeatedly as her vision cleared and she stared up at Julian they were in his bathing room on the floor he frowned resting the back of his hand checking for a fever.

“You collapsed on me...what happened?”

She shook her head.

“My mind was....pulsing..in and out I didn't even get the whole memory...it cut in and out.”

He helped her sit up watching her as she massaged her temples she wasn't hurt this time just dazed and confused. She knew she had some studying to do though she looked up out of the open door where Nadia was still resting first she could only think if she didn't make it right she'd have to. Nadia was having a hard enough time as it was, whoever it was toying with her made sure of that. Though no matter the difference they remained together because in the end it had been as equal as it could be. She pushed herself up wondering what Nadia felt that was cut out of her memory, so they were in the same situation...but it was different. She did love her husband and she knew Julian loved her too they had long since gone beyond just friends.

Perhaps she felt out of place when she shouldn't.

“We should fix things...”

“If she'll let us....I could have still been hungover, or something I don't feel that way now....so stressed it stopped being kinky and was just something we needed. This relationship...” he trailed off as she turned to slide her arms around him.

He wasn't sure what he had been feeling then he wasn't sure he wanted to go back to that he knew what he liked now. Even with the loss of memory he knew it had been normal, it was almost like it was simply Nadia's turn to be in the middle he wondered if that was how they really kept things fair after their marriage.

However, it was they would need to handle things differently to move forward.

Still, he feared finding out what separated them to begin with...when the amnesia came.  
…..


	21. Could it be a threat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So slow burn is off and on from this point on in fact if we saw this as longer 'acts' you could say this is the end of act one, time to start shifting things. Saw the new update ha but as I was already undoing things just because I got ideas not because I didn't like what I read enough, seems obvious I know but I've been bullied over fanfiction before meh. Anyhoo it doesn't change things but it does add to the story where certain things mix in I'll decide.
> 
> So uh stay tuned and thanks to all those peeps still checking in.

_…..._

  
_“Ah Lareli, I just don't understand why you have to be difficult.”_

_I sighed hearing the voice in my head, he couldn't even face me after what I found out he played it off like he had done nothing wrong. Though wasn't that just the way, the one in the wrong, absorbed with himself there was no way they could be wrong. Ugh it was sickening wiping away angry tears I ignored him, he could go fuck himself._

_“Look it was for the best.”_

_“If that were true you could explain it to me.”_

_“You wouldn't understand.”_

_“Yes, I would...I wasn't raised with the idea that life was all rainbows, I enjoyed stories because they were entertaining not because I needed to hide from reality. So speak while I'm listening.” I snapped, though from my frustrations I doubted it held the venom I wanted._

_He sighed in my head._

_“Is it any worse than what your 'friend' did to you?”_

_“It doesn't matter! I can't stand either of you and with you keeping secrets that isn't giving me a shred of guilt.”_

_“Just be grateful you can live in peace now.”_

_“Peace...what do you know about that?”_

_“Enough, go and be well girl...maybe you could do more with that dancing thing you do.”_

_I grit my teeth._

_He was never particularly warm as a father but this seemed like more of brush off than I was used to._  
…..

Lareli sighed heavily as she stared down at the bowl in front of her she couldn't remember what she had been doing. She stood in her shop looking over her shoulder the smell of myrrh catching her attention, she set the bowl down unsure about the pale purple liquid she'd been mixing and walked into the main shop area.

“....Muriel?”

“Did you forget I was here?” he asked from his place near the door.

She started to talk as she felt a shiver remembering she left Julian and Nadia in bed, they had rejoined her thinking of how to make her feel more comfortable. Remind her she was loved no matter what was different between them and herself with Julian. Then she felt like Muriel needed something it wasn't quite strange it was as if it had been the same as any other day she moved to get dressed and hurried out. He had been waiting by her shop he was covered with another cloak as it was snowing heavily again she let him in and after she lit a fire he removed his cloak to show he was injured. His arm had been clawed, three vicious marks up and down his arm still bleeding though he wasn't much for complaining, he remained silent. The potion was meant to heal him because what attacked him wasn't normal, the wounds weren't normal and were growing just a bit. It wasn't going to kill him.

Though she couldn't go back to mixing the potion now not while she was confused on the next step that would mess up the whole thing and she'd have to start over whether she knew what to do or not.

“I just....checked out I couldn't recall when I got here for a moment.”

“Feel any pain?”

“....I uh...no.”

“You are finally returning to normal madam...I'm glad.”

She stared at him.

“Ma.....” she blinked the daze quickly fading though failing to bring much information to her he shook his head.

“Don't worry it'll all start coming back though I should warn you, before the amnesia you knew someone was messing with your journal some of the memories you've gotten back may be fake.”

She knew it was the most he'd ever really spoken to her, but...they were friends in fact she couldn't help but feel a little miffed that he addressed her so formally. It wasn't a romantic connection or anything beyond his much larger form he was a protector she had to be able to sense him when he needed her. She smiled at him, though it didn't reach her eyes she felt out of...it out of everything.

That aside, she also knew how valuable his words were.

“....I'd been feeling that way....with this unnatural weather I've been distracted...” she rubbed her head as it felt a bit like a wave. She looked up as he walked over to steady her.

“You seem to slip in and out of yourself...to fix the weather you must first collect yourself to see who is responsible for it.”

“....I know..?”

“You didn't before the amnesia it's been a few years of back and forth.”

“Back and forth...over years?....Yes that was....before we started dating ugh what happened it's a blur yet it's entirely clear. Something is going to happen my mind can't keep this state.”

Muriel nodded.

“But what....my father..I should talk to him, shouldn't I?”

“Perhaps, I can take you to him...today if you like, if you use your ability with me we can move about undetected. It is possible... there is nothing to worry about, that it is a friendly visit but the chance isn't high.”

“Or worth the risk...I suppose so...I'll work on healing you and putting out a little charm to get rid of those nasty cursed insects. Then we'll go....ah Julian and Nadia will be angry with me but to find out if they are in danger or not, I'll take it.”

“Malak and Chandra will alert them as they've always done.”

“Flying through this storm....?”

“Wait for it...”

She felt a cool shiver again, they didn't need much from her but they had been charmed once before they could come to Lareli and assure the pair she'd be alright....and say her goodbyes. She hoped she wouldn't be gone long but she didn't feel right in the least. She finished the mixture once again aware of what she was meant to do as the lilac smell rose up and above from it she knew it was ready she poured the entire mix on his arm instead of falling off it clung to the wound changing color as it was cleaned fading to white she pulled it off, leaving behind a hairless but smooth area not even a scar.

She whistled extending her arm as Muriel moved to open the door, all too soon they flew in with a snap two already written notes flew to her hands she could fasten on to Chandra's leg. She nipped at her cocking her head.

“Don't be like that I don't want to leave but I have to, watch over Nadia for me.”

With a light noise, she was off Malak was in less of a good mood giving her cheek a relatively harmless peck to show it. He didn't think it was a good idea but then sometimes the good idea wasn't always the easiest or the best at the time. She gave him a note as well.

“Remind Julian Nadia is here when I'm not.”

With a caw, she rolled her eyes at him.

“Be nice and maybe I'll bring you back a treat.”

He always was won over with promises of food, she let him go and grabbed her bag and journal grabbing Muriel's arm there was a click. The door locked and everything shifted into hiding, the light went off and they faded from view. Yes the slight chance that something was coming, that was friendly was there, but things change she didn't trust her senses. She missed Julian and Nadia already though.

She hoped when they got back they wouldn't be too angry with her.  
…...


	22. Living history

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Had a reason to change how I write a memory, I wasn't sure how I wanted to do this, first I wanted to just have fun with Julian but I needed more so I had to cut this chapter.

….

Julian sighed heavily, he attempted to shift on his side though being unable to he opened his eyes he jumped seeing the forest he was in he looked up and watched as Lareli came into view on top of him. He blushed his wrists were tied tightly secured by a vine and she had him pinned. He could technically break away if he felt the need to. This...happened before he remembered Lareli had to run off, for what he didn't know but she came back to him this way to say good bye. Nadia had been busy working it was....before they all got together. Even then she wasn't dating Julian part of him couldn't bring himself to do it sometimes she was there sometimes she wasn't. He knew when she got busy that it was important that he couldn't distract her or their friends.

He also hated to be alone, but then when he was alone and single that was easier to handle.

This world...was a little corner of The Hanged Man's realm, with a connection to it she had a spot she could use. He seemed to be somewhat fond of Julian enjoy their sword fights and free spirits it was something of a gift to borrow the little area. To anyone else the black vines and trees, engulfed in red, might be unsettling but it was comforting. The ground was warm, smooth he was still bare he swallowed thickly as she only stared down at him with a light smile.

“Lareli....you had to leave didn't you..?”

“Just temporarily.”

“And you won't tell me why will you?”

She shook her head with a smile.

“I remembered I had a necklace to give Nadia, for a few extra days to be apart from her I hope it'll be enough time but I'll check in.”

He nodded as she bent to kiss him, he submitted in a moment parting his lips to allow her to control and deepen the kiss. She kept her hands on either side of him not touching a bit more, or even grinding though as she just barely pulled away to let him breathe nipping at his bottom lip he wanted to rub against her. She rested her cheek again his.

“Where are you....that you have time...?” he spoke slowly wishing for more.

“Our old hideaway peace away from my family came with this spot Hector and Rain let me in.”

He was confused for a moment though he remembered them a burly happy pair, happily married more than happy to keep a look out when Julian wanted to visit. He was allowed to visit but her family didn't like him.

He couldn't yet remember why.

“While I'm free....remember our first time?”

He was quiet before his face seemed to get darker as he bit his lip just slightly she smiled as she pulled away. Why did he have to look so sexy like that it made it harder to concentrate.

“....What made you...remember that? It was a mess.”

“It was sweet then....not so much and we enjoyed every bit of it, I'm just laying on that old mattress alone wishing someone could remind me of it.”

He groaned slightly as she slid off of him instinctively spreading his legs she smirked moving to give his cock a slow pump she raised her other hand to stroke slowly around his sac he tried not to move. He knew she would stop if she did. Which he knew he would like just as much as when she just gave him what he wanted because he was like that. Though he didn't know how much time she had as his mind began to shift he only wished he could have a little more.

}{}{}{

Julian had just turned twenty and instead of celebrating his birthday with a nice meal or something of the sort I was attempting to break him out of prison. His messy hair just barely covered his eyes but I could see that uneasy face he made he knew I was angry at him but he hadn't said a word to defend himself.

“Why are you here Jules?”

“....For the crime I committed.”

“Liar, you didn't commit any crime.”

“I did...I killed...your uncle.”

I shook my head.

“No you didn't my journal showed me.”

“It can't see my memories.”

“Remember that paper cut?”

He tensed, it wasn't really guaranteed but a mage's journal could make use of a little blood from a trusted friend. I could see when he had gotten himself into trouble which was valuable for him after what he did with Valdemar in the Lazaret he always seemed unsettled looking for trouble. Before then he was no better, now of course most couldn't say a word he would dress up, in yellow of all things going after those vicious little cursed demons my father created on his own. Picking a fight with drunks just out of it enough that they wouldn't remember him or what they did. He was hopeless in that way, this wasn't some sort of thrill though.

“Lareli please......”

“They want to execute you Julian.”

“...W..what for?” he started.

“They say....I'm odd, I don't think like them, the mages under the stars.....those that are dark and twisted when they say it's best whether it hurts others or not. They think your death would make me snap. Turn to what they approve only allowing family in my heart, I won't do that and you won't be a tester either.”

“....They know I didn't kill him?”

“He was killed with magic, he tried a spell he didn't understand from the mages...it backfired on him, case closed. I suppose I should be more...upset but I didn't know him only at his funeral did his name even come up.”

Julian sighed as he looked away.

“Now....I know they were trying to block my journal from recording everything....why would you agree to take the fall for this?”

He didn't comment as he shook his head.

“Did they threaten you?”

He scoffed giving me a very unconvincing smirk.

“Me then?”

He moved to sit on the ground turning away from me.

“Julian.....”

“I can't....it's not worth it...”

I frowned as I stood only jumping as I heard my father calling, always a presence with his wild blue hair where I got mine from even. Those angry deep red eyes and the light skin always dressed black with a sword free. There was once a time I was scared of him now I was furious but cautious.

“Father let him go.”

“He agreed to be the one to go down for this, and I've called out an eternal summons on him.”

I grit my teeth it was essentially a death wish something that couldn't easily be taken away it always came with a consequence.

“You can't!”

“And what is going to stop me girl? He'll be executed in thirty minutes you can join us”

He turned to leave before I could argue but then the sooner he left the sooner I could fix this.

“I'll be back Jules.” I said fading from view though from his expression he was panicked.

“Wait they'll hurt you, Lareli please!”

It was much too late, I wouldn't let them use him against me, he'd really be better off without me I just didn't tell him that.  
….

I took a breath as I came to a white and gold room, there was just a couch and a table, I looked up as I was joined by The High Priestess. Her eyes almost curved to show her happiness as she came out with a tea tray.

“Well if it isn't my sweet girl, I have so missed our talks, Nadia Satrinava...such a curious young woman but pure of heart where it counts I look forward to the future there. She is a good companion.”

I smiled slightly as she sat the tray down.

“High Priestess it's not just a social call...”

She held up a hand.

“I know, but that is exactly what you need and you know that the steps you must take is that not why you are here?”

I sighed but it was relief than anything else she sat next to me I watched her pour the tea oddly enough it was blue and pink.

“The color of your soul, often connected with new birth, though at your time the innocence is gone while the purity remains.”

“I'm really not innocent.”

“Innocence is not always naiveté, sometimes it is that of one who will not be willed by the pressures of the corrupted nearest to them just to earn favor. Purity doesn't always mean above the darkness, and sweet can only be judged by the inner workings of that individual's beliefs...feelings...and thoughts. ”

She poured another this tea was entirely black, creamy even, dipped with red.

“Many would confuse this for evil....but Julian Devorak....is not, much like The Hanged Man is not they look at the world merely...in a different way. Remember, to the untrained eye there is only good and evil. The good do this...the evil do this there is no in-between. That is incorrect in most cases you know this to be true. To bind the two would mean a raging fire, but one that would be worth it.”

She gave me that happy look again, I found myself smiling back she always put one at ease if they allowed her to that is.

“But, you don't need me to tell you that, to bind a soul one must understand the other half, one must not always hold it above others while always thinking. There must be an equal balance are you ready?”

I nodded as she poured the mixes into the third cup it didn't blend like mixing paint the colors swirled as if in separate containers, wrapping around one another. She grasped it with both hands and held it up to me. There was another way to reach her to do this my people had done so for years. Not my father's people...but those of my mother. His, joined under a different law, one that usually meant an exchange of blood.

I opened my mouth and she tipped the contents inside I didn't really see myself as this sweet innocent thing that she might but then she often told me that I simply refuse to do that. It's strange there was a bitter swirl, a mix of pepper spicy but warm like cinnamon chocolate, that sounded like Julian in it's own way there was something else there but I couldn't really place it as the sugar seemed to override one end.

I didn't hold myself above I knew what family could do what followers would fear ruled me as much as I hated to admit it. I didn't always make the best choices but I still didn't behave as they did. I couldn't, I wanted mother to be proud and she wanted to see I could resist temptation, she was a generally happy woman but when I said I didn't know what there was to be tempted by...she'd never smiled wider. That was when I was allowed to meet The High Priestess. I was younger then, but it had been years, I trusted her judgment.

In a moment she smiled again hands together as she began to fade I closed my eyes I moved to stand I must have hit the floor running. They didn't execute with a robe, they preferred the guillotine method I appeared behind him moving to blast the blade before it could make it half way down there was a glow around his neck the mark I needed to see it matched my own as I held up my hand. Father glared at me but that was all he could do he may have wanted to strike me down then and try and get another child.

No they weren't complete tyrants like demons lost in a orgy over a pile of their slain enemies....something my father thought a youth learn about. Though just because I was his daughter didn't mean I could do no wrong. The guillotine was made with magic it moved slowly promising the most agonizing slow death one could get. Shooting out an electric charge as it went down the little shocks slicing as they traveled down the body. It could take hours with just enough magic keeping the victim alive before they would truly be at peace again.

Perhaps I was blinded to some but I knew they could be a lot worse no matter what they were now.

It mattered more to us than anyone looking in with rose colored glasses.

The reality of life, the executioner let me free him and I told them how my uncle really died, an idiot's death really at least by their standards it was a hard way to go but for once every soot covered face would be on my side.  
}{}{}{

Julian swallowed thickly he didn't immediately get the vision that was always easily shared in this realm. Lareli gave his lips a peck staring at the string of cum collecting on his toned stomach. He couldn't really immediately shift in mood. It wasn't just a memory but reliving the past, he remembered seeing her unconscious they were almost ready to sacrifice her and begged to take her place.

The feeling of losing her when she was long past a simple friend stage, he had female friends even his sister's friends could be his own but she was so much more. She had been for some time, he felt it as he was roughly grabbed and dragged through the dirt how his head felt when he was thrown into the cell and his head made contact with the wall.

Then the fear seeing her leaving wondering what they would do....it wasn't all of them, not every follower but a specific group ready to rebel against her father. She nodded to herself feeling the memories rushing in from him. When she would slip him in when he was lonely she showed him the coliseum that Muriel was forced to work at, to keep his freedom he was entertainment as much as he was a guard. He grew closer to Lareli as she treated him as a person first, he could only think if he had a child he could wish it was her.

Julian felt his head smacking every step as he was dragged up they were so gleeful getting to execute a man that they knew had done nothing. Then that rush of peace, overwhelming warmth that came, it wasn't a simple wedding as many were used to it was on such a different level, he had been scared for her but the tears that came knowing she was rushing back for him came fast he didn't feel he deserved it no matter how much he enjoyed that feeling.

Lareli didn't know everything that made him who he was before then but she would accept every bit of him no matter what.

Maybe it was then he knew he really loved her.

As she shared the memory with him reminding him of what had been harder to explain then. He frowned shaking his head as she distracted him without much effort with a trail of bites up his neck.

“D..don't try to distract me....that, could have killed you if I only saw you as a friend.”

“But I knew you didn't, you're a lot more obvious than you think....” she paused hearing a noise.

“Oh I wish I could stay longer but I must leave...I'll see you the next time I have time we'll make a good use of this.”

“Lareli....don't just go after that I never knew that before.”

…..

He sat up hand out stretched he shivered as his head throbbed from revisting the memory in that realm, he looked down seeing he was in the same state the snow had cleared again. Nadia left a note that Lucio came to get her for a meeting with the council members. He settled to pull his legs up desire fighting his nerves, he would have waited if she left him there. He grit his teeth as dropping his head on his knees as he hugged his legs to himself in the sitting fetal position.

How he hated waking up alone, on a different level than Nadia would picture.

He sniffed as the fear set in, her father's kingdom was only on the map for those that were worthy to see it, that even went for some that would be imprisoned here. The dark royal lands of Efratei, a swirl of dark homes carved into a mountain surrounded by lava and a dead forest so thick it offered comfort hiding one from the angry red skies above. He'd never seen where her mother came from by then she'd already been changed....he just couldn't remember if it was for the best or not. They weren't all the same even if enjoying the darker side of life made them allies.

When rebels appeared there, they were always more dangerous than any other threat you could find.....anywhere he'd take a trip to the Lazaret over that place.

She'd come back.

She had to.  
…...


End file.
